well..all of sudden i felt lead to blog this about i got to noe God and how I'm different now compared to last time...I think this is a way of thanking Him for changing me....well a little background knowledge about me first...well...i came to noe God since i was in primary school and accepted him into my heart when i was 12 but didnt really noe Him in the sense i didnt attend a Church...anw i came from a buddhist family...but strange enuf my mum sent me to a Christian primary school...so yea...so i left Him for a long time...
Sec sch life I must say was great or i tot it is...my charcter I always think that I can do everything and there's nth which is impossible for me to do....and i must say I am very headstrong kind of person and self centered i would say....but the fact there is a limit to where i can do....as i must say that i went thru a very very difficult time in my sec sch but I always try to be optimisstic...the truth is many a times i have crying alone in my room not knowing wat to do...and frankly e tot of death did come across my mind b4 and i even try to hurt myself b4....come to think back how stupid...haha....
so when i was in sec 3 that yr...my grandma's health has turn from bad to worst and many a times I'll hv to come home early to bring dinner for her, change her bed sheet cos she shit on it and so on...and I didnt do well for my test and exam also...so I feel very very stress....so many nites i'll be crying in the toilet or in the room....and when my grandma pass away it was worst as I was very close to her(she's e one who brought me up..)...i was very very sad as i dun have that hope....and den came sec 4 where we have to decide where to go after that and you sch always have this programme to brainwash students to be "successful" and all....and i was very "inspire" to become successful and to do wat i like....well i study real hard for O's...grades was okie....after O's i started working part time...another difficult time as i have some problems with my dad....and I started to hate him....another stressful time when there was a time i felt depress and been crying myself to sleep...
and when Poly started, i didnt stop working my part time job....i worked hard cos i didnt want to end up like my mum...cos i didnt want to have a "hard" life...and life was the same from day to day except when i go out with my friends and all...i still hate my dad, hate my life and life was with a purpose and there wasn't any hope...its seems like i was living in darkness...but then God brought me back to Him...a friend brought me to the church that i attend now....where i got to noe God again and to build a relationship with Him....For the 1st time in so long I wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and i see light in my life...I see that purpose in my life...of cos Its not like magic which happen in an instance...it took time...I learnt how to love...i didnt hate my dad anymore(thou i cant say i can forgive him now...slowly i will forgive him....)and i learn how to care for others...of cos i learnt some throu e hard way cos God didnt promise a bed of roses...God didnt promise a life without trial or suffering but God promise a way out and he also promise strength and rest....Ask and it will be given...That's His promise....
And my life now...full of hope...of cos life is still the same but God changed my perspective...now my everyday is full of praise for Him and i muz say I dont cry at nite alone anymore...I onli do that when God touches my heart...and everyday is joyful no matter wat happen...Cos I have God's promise....and I have Him in my life to guide me...and I've found that hope....and of cos I thank Him for that change of heart to care for ppl....
posted by fISh @ 13:56
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