unDer tHE deeP blUe sEA

2008-02-17T09:58:00.002+08:00

Guess is time to revive my dead blog, since I last abandon it like 10 month ago...haha...okok...I noe...I'm suppose to update it...but I'm just plain lazy to do it....Anw its the 1st week here in Australia Adelaide...adapting well in the hostel...probably not the weather...cos the difference in the temperature at nite and in the day is like 10 over degree..in the day the temperature can as high as 36 or 38 and at nite it can drop down till 13 degree...that's y I caught a cold cos I didnt noe it will be so cold...but now my flu is getting beta...jus my cough...but I'll get well soon!!!wahaha...

met my first new fren here who is a Singaporean as well..am gald..cos previously I was so afraid that I wun be able to noe anyone here for the 1st few weeks...but am glad we can click...Thanks God!!!Her name is xiao hui...she arrive only 1 day earlier than I do...we planned to share our food resources and watever stuff we can share to cut cost...now I planning the monthly budget and I must say the things here are really expensive but it depends on wat kind of things...like honey and choc is really cheap...but the veggie is quite ex...and everything u pay here is for the labour...so very much different..I got a lo more things to learn here...like e culture and stuff like that...which is very different from spore...

Its sun and I didnt go to church...that feels weird...cos I have not manage to find one...but a friend of mine from Leng Kwang told me her colleguage who use to study here, has friends who attend church here in Adelaide...My friend manage to link me up with her..so as for now, I'm waiting for her other friends to email me...cos I really dunno how to get to that church which is in the suburb...

I really miss Singapore..my family and friends manz...and its so bored in Adelaide cos there not really a lot of place to go on a weekend or probably cos I dunno where to go since I'm only here for a week...haha...nvm..I'll find my way around here....oh oh...yea..1 thing I must share...there's no clouds here in the sky of adelaide...its really pure blue sky..I only manzge to see some clouds yesterday...The weather is really getting very hot this few days....like today..its 36 degree and tomorrow its even worse...38...argh!!!so hot!!!and its first day if orientation for me tml...looking forward to meeting more friends...manage to make some more new friends on fri...they are from Uni Adelaide, friends of xiao hui...met them on the way back...majority from Malaysia and onli 1 of them from spore...but they seems to be nice ppl..manage to tok to them...mayb we'll organise a get together some day...

Guess I tok too much...shall stop here...update you guys again..miss all of you...come visit me!!!hee..I wish....bye and take care...

Will upload pics soon...

2007-04-22T22:19:00.000+08:00

yoz yoz...back again to update so tdy is Boss's 44th birthday...hahaha...Happy Birthday Boss!!anw been slacking at home for quite some time...n been working all those freelance job, working at wine hut and going to start my job as a facilitator at this company where they teach kids basic science...its like trainer lo...teaching all e young kids...hopefully I'm "kiddish" enuf to mingle with them...hahaha...but oh well...guess I'll b able to handle well...God pls help me to love them n to b able to hv patience with them...heee...

anw...was working at wine hut yest(Boss insist that i do sm advertising here..)oki...so yea...was working from 3pm to abt 9pm...n head down to esplanade to meet up with clara,kong,fai,ayie n Rallen...hahaa...had a nice time chatting with dem n catching up...ayie n fai going to serve the country soon...ayie in june(or izzit july??) n fai in oct...den clara go read her blog...super busy...Kong working at KKH doing admin...rallen busy with his event company...ayie still into his soccer n fai still working for mac....hahaha...all hv diff plans in life...yea...everyone is still almost the same...well its juz a short while since we graduated so mayb muz wait till 5 to 10 years from now...kk...shall juz upload the pics n stop all my crap...haha...

Kong n me...*smile*

me n fai...big head...wahaha..This is Mr Rallen... lala n Kong...my Kakis...Fai(turning policeman soon) n lala...
ayie(e soccer guy) n me...
Aren't he lucky..surrounded my 3 gals..haha..

Last but not least...our grp photo...

okie...tt's all e photos for now...more will b up soon when we gather more....hahaha...enjoy myself....oh yea...after the gathering is back to wine hut to celebrate Boss's birthday...opened a sparkling wine*cheers*...haha...followed by playing cards with Boss, Frank, clara n me...4 of us sharing 1 glass of red n 1 glass of white...haha...but clara was e 1 who keep drinking cos she keeps losing...so i was saved...haha..kk...shall update u guys sm other time...till den tata n God bless...

2007-04-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

yoz yoz...kk..its wednesday again n as usual wed i dun work cos i got bible study at nite n lala lee came over to my place to slack b4 heading to town to meet Kong...so e whole of tdy i was slackin at hm...haha...oki..tot i shld upload sm photos of the Youth Avenue Camp last month..k la..a bit late but still oki la..hahaha...so here it is!!!

so here r e 3 facilitators...(from e left) jimmy, me n Rudy...n this is our grp...The "Sexist Neutron"!!!wahahaha...
Discussion time b4 e crossfire debate...serious huh...
During e crossfire debate...
n not forgetting e games...e human chess game...
n more games...

Jimmy thinks tt e dress looks pretty so decided to try on...haha..pretty??who's tt 2 toot guy manz...hahaha...its melvin n jimmy... The CHIO BUs!!!hahaha..preparing 4 e X-factor showcase...
whao...surrounded by pretty gals...how fortunate manz... oki..Rudy cant wait to b surrounded as well...

Finally me w e "char bo-s" n "da po-s"

got this pretty "lady" to pose for me..haha..cute rite..lol Clara got so jealous tt she wan to take photos with my chio bu-s...
Finally me n lala lee with tt weird face of hers...

2007-04-09T02:49:00.000+08:00

Oki...so it dou dou's 20th Birthday @ Cafe Iguana(she's so hungry till she almost fainted..)

n so lala n me got dou dou a present..guess wat is it...haha..dun tell u...

so since Ah Cai not here we got Ivan to replace her...hahaha

together with lala n me we r e S4!!!wahahaha...

got nice food some more..*yummy*...

feel hungry???haha

Plus beautiful scenery...
n night view
seen merlion...tt's wat happen when ppl puke..kk..i noe...heez

2007-04-09T02:21:00.000+08:00

oki...so long long time since i last update my blog...so here are the photos taken during dou dou's birthday...

so the day started out with going to cafe iguna at Clarke Quay...delicious food*yummy*....den head down to take e river cruise since dou dou suggested it n its her birthday...but no regret cos of e nice view...hahaha...my 2nd time taking e river taxi...e 1st time was with my S4 as well for a secondary sch project...haha...den went to e Grand Cathay for " Meet the Robinson"...a very nice heart warming and funny movie(still like e dinosuar...hahaha.."I've got a Big head n little arms"...hee)...k den went to TCC for cake cutting "ceremony" which is a must...n head home...

Frankly...had a good time enjoying e company of fren...how cool is tt...hee...fun n happy moments...well shall let e photos tells its story cos a picture tells a million words...hahaha...ciao ppl...

2007-03-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

been letting my blog slack for sm time....haha...k la...nth major happen except mayb exam's over n finally no sch lo...n I'm quite vexed with wat I'm suppose to do after this...so gonna start my full time in May...@ tasting notes...planning to go aust to study but no $$$...last resort is to take a bank loan lo...

so after exam was working my part time at wine hut & tasting notes and also took up sm free lance camp facilitator stuff as well...and oso slacking at home trying to take sm time off from sch and work...trying to rest myself...well...hv to been trying to pack my room as well..finally toilet was fixed...heater fixed(finally no nid to boil water le..)....now waiting for my room to b painted...den throw my table away and convert the sewing machineto my study table...aiya jux trying to make my room more like my room lo...hahaha...too pack liao...too many juck in my room liao..k la...i lazy to type liao...shall update u guys more sm other time...till den ciao...take care....

2007-02-20T21:00:00.000+08:00

haben been bloggin le...lazy and no time oso la...okie...left with less den 2 weeks b4 i finish my exam..tt mean leaving sch real soon...n guess wat exam is rite after chinese new yr...idiot...cant even enjoy w/o thinking of it..haiz...but oh..its onli 3 papers but all 3 nid to memorise...sian....brain dead la...so wat i plan to do after this...work lo....den hopefully i can get a student to go study in australia by next yr...cos i didnt wan to wait for too long...quite determine to go...cos i think tt's God's plan for me....like finally found something tt i wan to study n wish to study...haha...

okie..now i'm lazy to blog..dunno wat to blog...lazy to think ar...juz wanna enjoy my new yr....cos...eh...nvm...might not happen..but its okie...haha...anw...HappY nEw yR everyone!!!

2007-01-29T00:25:00.000+08:00

hvnt been bloging for e longest time manz...okie..so I'm lazy to blog..been rather tire...sch's very busy...been busy with loads and loads of project, project & more project...ICAs ICAs and more ICAs....wat else can i say...oh well..its e last lap and I'll hv to "chiong" to e finishing line...hopefully I'll do well..but to b frank i dun hv much of a motivation to study...but I'll try my best and do my best...

anw wanted to blog abt this a little wile ago but oh well..shall blog it down now as a reminder to myself i guess..anw...this happen on e 16th of Jan(pretty long ago eh..)...so b4 that was feeling quite vexed over lots of things & have been feeling rather lousy abt myself...so was rather defensive and well got a short fuse and get angry very very easily...and so I was questioning if God is really there for me...like I'm here feeling downa nd I'm asking for ur help but yet I cant feel Him and he is not ard...but guess wat so on e 16th of Jan..lala, jaslin & me wanna go chill out...cos we were totally drained out...so jux wanna go somewhere sit down and hv a drink and chit chat...n so we were deciding where to go b/w thomson plaza or bugis...well as usual we had a hard time deciding where to go...& as usual i suggested that we let fate decide where we shld go by well dosing e coin and twice we were "ask" to go bugis..oh well so we headed down there to have our dinner and after which went to Miss Clarity Cafe(our usual hangout place)..so b4 we leave i went to e toilet where there is a blackboard hanging opp. it where there is a phrase "No legacy is as rich as integrity."...okie...tt kind of caught my attention but oh well..to me it jux sound meaningful...and we head home after that and i was doing my quiet time in e bus and i was reading my "Our Daily Bread" where e devotion is about integrity as well and guess e phrase that they put at e end of the devotion..."No legacy is as rich as integrity"...well...to many it might juz be a pure coincidence...but it means otherwise tt God is with me all e time but jux tt I havent been sensitive enuf and fail to feel His presence and realise tt He has been with me all e time...haha..silly me....

oh...anw...i was reading byrick's blog tdy...kind of miss him again and I came across this entry that he wrote: "Just finish the movie - sahara with all my good friends (Biyu aka fish, wendy aka tweety bird, timothy (soul mate), Jaz-the devil & Poulis-the good listener) All these are 1of e best friends i have known. fish & wendy used to work under me but i have always treat them like a friend rather than fellow workers; jaz is still working under me though not in the same place anymore(kind of miss the times we working together); tim a great friend since sec school time my brother; Poulis a good friend who is always there to lend a hand when i need help. Actullay i was trying to get more of my friends to come but only these can make it. but nonthless we all enjoy the show (cruz is better in this movie than after sunset? think so). Not great but $ worth spending."..like even thou I've worked under him as a part timer but he treat like a friend rather den maybe his staff or juz some part timer...i really miss working with him...doing closing with...I really hope that after I join Tasting Notes(for that short period)I'll be able to change to wat Byrick wan it to be...to be professional in wine...but not treat wine like some high class product and sell it like other commercial products but rather something to be appreciated by all kinds of different ppl cos i believe tat wine is e heart of e winemaker...they make wine with their heart(of cos not all..)and its their effort...and I hope with e little that I can do i can bring Tasting Notes to another level...not juz e selection of wine but e every aspect...its not gonna be easy...as in now i already face difficulties..but I'll do my best...and relying on God's strength....

okie...so I've got less den 5 weeks to go b4 i finish my exam...after that I'll rest for abt 2 month and I WAN TO GO BAGPACK!!!I'm planning to go aust...hopefully Japan but will depend on my budget and all...see how things will go...oh..its getting late now..beta go to bed..another week ahead..will be a tiring week but I'll pull thru...all e way manz!!

2007-01-14T18:29:00.000+08:00

rain rain go away...haiz...its been raining for e past few days...and the sky seems moody..so is my mood...been feeling frustrated..okie...u might say its PMS...probably...but oso atribute it to lack of slp...stress cos a lot of proj to do...work as well..so hell lots of things to worry abt esp wat's my direction in e future...so got really short fuse recently...can angry easily...frustrated easily...lose my temper easily...get irritated easily..so dun come provoke me for at least till i graduate...but I'm learning how "to cast my anxiety unto the Lord"...

2007-01-08T17:41:00.000+08:00

GREAT!!I just deleted the previous post la..cos my com hang...argh..nvm..cool...

so well...life been busy...sch been busy and its e 2nd week since sch starts after e term break....& I've done 1 presentation(which i'm suppose to do b4 term break but I went to Thailand), submitted 1 report and done 1 ICA written paper on personal training...tml I've got 1 more test on Quality management and wed gotta submit another report...argh...like i say sch's trying to "kill" us b4 we graduate...and now i cant wait to graduate cos after tt I'm planning to go bag packing probably with my aunt....and den its a period of rest and relax for me after 13 years of studying...but yet i dread graduating as well which means i'm entering e society to work or either go to uni(but i got no money le)...and I've gotta plan for my future which i still do not have a clear direction of where to go and is still waiting for God to give me a direction and a place to serve Him...

Oh well...I was feeling pretty tire this few days...due to sch la...haiz...which means my temper havent been good this few days...which resulted in arguements with my aunt(u see she's having menopause)...something which I have been avoiding cos i loathe it...and I've been trying to control me temper...been praying abt it...okie at the end of the day its my pride cos i dun wan to lose out to her..cos she's very irritating at times...argh...God pls help me control my temper...now I feel like slping again...argh..*yawn*..but I cant!!gotta go to Tasting Notes tdy cos its Jil's Birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIL!!!

Shall try to slip away after a while...if not I'll die a horrible death tml...tml is quality management test la...onli study a bit...and I think I didnt do very well for Personal training test tdy...but as long as I pass I'm contented...cos I didnt put in a lot of effort...and I still gotta rush my report as well...haiz...*praying hard*....till den all e best to my friends...whoever is having exam...take care everyone and God Bless!!

2007-01-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

hi guys...1st of all HAPPY 2007!!!okie..i noe a bit late...but well...I've been booked by ppl to go out...so this few days I really enjoy myself...

so new year eve went out with lala, kong and ernest to this jap restaurant along mohammed sutlan road...not bad...nice food and most imptly good company of friends....so i tried the char siew Ramen...*yummy*..of cos we ordered other food and we also ordered a bottle of e plum wine...onli 10% alcohol..a ladies drink I would...cos its sweet!!!hee...next head to chocolate factory near my work place...THAT WAS LIKE DAMN GOOD LA!!!all the choc dessert and drinks...now i noe wat's sugar rush...goodness..so sweet la...and it makes me damn high after tt...tt's y ppl say choc makes u happy...=)...*yummy*...but damn sinnful la...nid to go back to training le...if not all the choc will be stored as fats...haha..but to be frank no matter how good the food is it is still the company of friends that counts...heee...next up we had a long walk down trying to watch fire works but guess wat...it was ppl,ppl and more ppl..and to be frank i really dun like crowded places..this is 1 thing I'll try to avoid..but oh well...so we decided to go a somewhere else to watch the fire works and tot we would not be able to cos we were at boat quay with all e tall buildings and all but guess wat we manage a bit of that...here and there...yea...but tt's good enuf and Thanx God for that...haha...head to Brewreks cos we didnt wan to "fight" with everyone else to go home....cos we figure out that all e public transport will be damn packed so we decided to wait at a later time...so we each ordered a drink...and played some slapping hands games*ouch*..haha...den played pool which took up some time so can see how lousy we are...anw went to mac to eat something cos ernest was hungry...and after that we were trying to figure out wat bus to take home cos there wasn't any 174M...but of well..I got home at the end....All in all thanx God for the time that we had...a time to relax and have fun b4 sch starts...

And tdy met up with von to do project at National Library and I must say it is a good place to slp...okie..I'm not the kind of person who can sit down quietly n do my work...tt's me...I nid to walk ard...not sit ard...anw...manage to finish my research thou I had a hard time trying to keep myself awake...so tml back to sch..haiz...but frankly i cant wait for bible study tml and I have been waiting for post mission gathering...miss everyone...haha...cant wait...as for now...argh..sch starting and all the ICA coming...7 more weeks to end of last sem....all e best to me manz...haha...till den tata...

2006-12-30T23:31:00.000+08:00

hmmm..so wat have i been doing for the past few days..working...resting at home cos sick monster attack me...yea..I"M SICK...like ever since i came back from thailand...and act was getting better and that day when i went back to work..all e stupid smoke(which i hate it..argh) and late slping plus chocolate(shouldnt have eat so much)...argh...so it got worst like again...and yesterday work till like 2 plus..went to eat supper so by the time i get home is like almost 4 in the morning..now my voice is so sexy after today's event...argh...

okie...enuf of that..so tdy's event was hell...quite alright actually but a lot of last min hiccups...so gotta solve all the problems like last min...but Thanx God that things went well after all....oh..anw tdy's event was act called Dancing Cashew..okie sound very Community Centre type but it is....not my idea but they insist..so yea...not fantastic but okie la...one things I didnt put in alot of effort...and a lot of last min info...and i gotta get everything rite like last min..but well I guess I've learnt a lot at the end of the whole event...haha...how to better manage such a stage event the next time if given a chance la..

anw during the event Jiab called!!!like wow..I miss them so much and I was toking to Paow just now online...anw they are my friends from thailand...haha...miss them like so so much...i wonder y is Jiab not online..like i told her that I'll be online tonite...hmmm..okie..maybe some techinical error...but i do hope tt I'll be able to go back to Udon soon...I miss that place and of cos the team whom I worked with...haiz...

okie..so tdy is the eve of the eve of New Year...wishing everyone HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance...haha...going out with my friends to markan and chill out b4 sch start..cos i foresee tt it will be busy busy busy..so trying to slack as much as possible b4 that...haha...waiting for next year...waiting for the next thailand trip...when will it be??

2006-12-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

okie...like finally..so sch's internet is down and supposedly to finish research in sch tdy but in the end gotta do it at home...sad manz...and next tue need to go to national library to do research...argh...its like beginning of the year and gotta stress over project and ICA...ahhhhhhh.........*cry*..haiz...nvm...another 2 month plus and off i go le....haiz..meaning I'm leaving sch!!!!sad manz...leaving my frenz le..

okie..so wat hv i been doing...slacking as usual..working after a long 2 weeks break...but it was damn slack yesterday...nobody cos of the rain...good and bad...good cos i nid to warm up a bit...bad I'm damn bored la...juz cant stand when there's nobody...and it was raining when I'm going home yesterday...it was like so cold la...act suppose to take bike home but too dangerous cos of e rain so take cab..safer...

anw...hope when sch reopen things will still turn out fine..cos when sch reopen means busy busy busy..with proj, exam and work...meaning no time to slp..*cry*....nvm...God will give me rest after tt....weeeee...heee..but now I still quite blur abt my future..dunno where to go after tt...hmmm..pray that God will gif me direction....okie..take care my frenz...bye...

2006-12-25T21:06:00.000+08:00

back again to blog after a long long time...okie la..not so long actually...hahaha...okie I'm being lame again le...anw...so today's Christmas and how did I spend it..with my family lo...its been so long since i last spend time with my family le...and so good to have dinner at home!!home cooked food is still e best..might not b e best but it warms your heart...heee...

So Christmas Eve was spend with my S4 at Hangout @ Mt Emily...a budget Hotel by Cathay but not bad thou...good food good scenery at the rooftop and good company of friends!!!and most imptly not at orchard with all the hustle and bustle and the squeezing with other ppl...hahaha...always good to spend time with friends at those place...true friends are hard to come by and they are a bunch of friends who went thru many ups and downs with me since sec sch days....spend a crazy day with my S4 doing crazy stuff...hahaha...tt's y we are call S4 cos we do stupid things...heee....laugh till I wan to cry manz...haha...so we were shooting "MTV" in e room and taking stupid photos...haha....it was fun....

BUT...school starting soon...which means PROJECT!!!argh.....sian...back to work and more work...but few more month b4 i graduate...so few more month to go onli!!!JIA YOU!!hahaha....well..with God everything is possible....oh yea...since today is Christmas let's not forget the real meaning of Christmas which is Christ's Birthday...hee...so the best gift for him is to give urself!!!anw MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS!!!and God Bless!!

2006-12-21T13:56:00.000+08:00

hihi...I'm back after a long time....Just came back from Udon Thani, Thailand from Mission Trip with my church member and 2 other churches...The place where my team and I went is the North Eastern part of Thailand so its pretty cold...And I must say that this trip has renew my faith in God and also it has been a time of restoration for me and God as in my relationship with God...I really thank God for it for bringing me closer to Him....And I've known a ot of new friends from the Bapist Church there....like Phaow, Nong and Jiab...Miss them so so much and of cos not forgetting the team I have been working with for the past week...

well..all of sudden i felt lead to blog this about i got to noe God and how I'm different now compared to last time...I think this is a way of thanking Him for changing me....well a little background knowledge about me first...well...i came to noe God since i was in primary school and accepted him into my heart when i was 12 but didnt really noe Him in the sense i didnt attend a Church...anw i came from a buddhist family...but strange enuf my mum sent me to a Christian primary school...so yea...so i left Him for a long time...

Sec sch life I must say was great or i tot it is...my charcter I always think that I can do everything and there's nth which is impossible for me to do....and i must say I am very headstrong kind of person and self centered i would say....but the fact there is a limit to where i can do....as i must say that i went thru a very very difficult time in my sec sch but I always try to be optimisstic...the truth is many a times i have crying alone in my room not knowing wat to do...and frankly e tot of death did come across my mind b4 and i even try to hurt myself b4....come to think back how stupid...haha....

so when i was in sec 3 that yr...my grandma's health has turn from bad to worst and many a times I'll hv to come home early to bring dinner for her, change her bed sheet cos she shit on it and so on...and I didnt do well for my test and exam also...so I feel very very stress....so many nites i'll be crying in the toilet or in the room....and when my grandma pass away it was worst as I was very close to her(she's e one who brought me up..)...i was very very sad as i dun have that hope....and den came sec 4 where we have to decide where to go after that and you sch always have this programme to brainwash students to be "successful" and all....and i was very "inspire" to become successful and to do wat i like....well i study real hard for O's...grades was okie....after O's i started working part time...another difficult time as i have some problems with my dad....and I started to hate him....another stressful time when there was a time i felt depress and been crying myself to sleep...

and when Poly started, i didnt stop working my part time job....i worked hard cos i didnt want to end up like my mum...cos i didnt want to have a "hard" life...and life was the same from day to day except when i go out with my friends and all...i still hate my dad, hate my life and life was with a purpose and there wasn't any hope...its seems like i was living in darkness...but then God brought me back to Him...a friend brought me to the church that i attend now....where i got to noe God again and to build a relationship with Him....For the 1st time in so long I wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and i see light in my life...I see that purpose in my life...of cos Its not like magic which happen in an instance...it took time...I learnt how to love...i didnt hate my dad anymore(thou i cant say i can forgive him now...slowly i will forgive him....)and i learn how to care for others...of cos i learnt some throu e hard way cos God didnt promise a bed of roses...God didnt promise a life without trial or suffering but God promise a way out and he also promise strength and rest....Ask and it will be given...That's His promise....

And my life now...full of hope...of cos life is still the same but God changed my perspective...now my everyday is full of praise for Him and i muz say I dont cry at nite alone anymore...I onli do that when God touches my heart...and everyday is joyful no matter wat happen...Cos I have God's promise....and I have Him in my life to guide me...and I've found that hope....and of cos I thank Him for that change of heart to care for ppl....

2006-12-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

Its e beginning of Dec and its end of e year..so fast....X'mas is aroound e corner & straight after tt is new year....a busy year with lots of ups and down....been thinking a lot recently...feeling sad cos I'm graduating and I'm gonna miss my friends very very much..and I'm working soon after I graduate...but I'm planning to rest for probably a month 1st b4 i start work to go overseas...I was thinking of Japan...juz to relax and to do some reading and stuff...1st is to brush up my wine knowledge and oso other knowledge as well....

So sch is starting to get reall busy with all e projects and tests coming up..plus I'm going to thailand on a mission trip from the 12th to 18th of dec and there will be a big event coming up on e 30th of dec...super stress now...worried if it will turn out well....plus all e test and all...I was hoping to do well this sem cos its the last semester and I wanted to at least maintain my grades..plus i also wanted to do well for the event...argh...no time manz....and i nid to do get things all done b4 i set off to Thailand....argh....and I've been hving headache for e past 2 days....its making me feel dizzy at times...and I'm also losing my appetite recently....been feeling very tire and slpy....but I'm looking forward to the thailand trip yet I hv a lot of worries...HOW!!???

okie...enuf of complain nid to get back to work....if not i got no time le...rather den spending time complaining i shld be doing my work....chop chop....bye..off to do proj...

2006-11-25T16:46:00.000+08:00

noe that kind of feeling when u feel a bit sickish...it feels terrible...been feeling rather sick recently...guess I'm too tire le..but well guess after a nite of slp it felt beta...not working tdy..but going back to the CC later for a meeting...organising an event..frankly speaking i dun hv much confidence cos its like so last min...and the preparation is like..haiz...will see wat happen...the publicity oso a bit like dunno wat to say...argh...initially was quite enthu but lookin at the rate & the way it is organise..its juz not rite la...nvm...will see...

so mum went to thailand with my aunt and my cousin...which means i nid to wash my own clothes...argh...my aunt way like making me wash those on wed...I was like freaking tire la...after a super long day..plus i haben been sleeping well & resting enuf for the pass few days..so wed afternoon I went to visit my niece...super fun but super tire with all e kids...driving me crazy...so went home to take my stuff and head for my bible study till like 11...so by the time i reach home was like 12....& i got 8am lesson e next day but i still to do the laundry...by e time i slp is like 2 plus am...woke up at 6 plus in e morning for lessons..argh..super duper tire la....

so thur after class went to run with michael, clara and rallen & I realise my stamina really cannot make it..after 2 and half round i stopped...haiz....and michael was still able to tok normally...my goodness....after tt head home and off to work..suddenly i kinda of miss Byrick very very much..I miss those times when i work with him till late...e both of us would be doing closing together...den head for supper...i really miss those times..& when i think back..e times we spend together..its juz bring back all e happy memories...It felt going back to work after 2 weeks...everythings seems different...e feelings and all..but onli in e cellar tt i felt warmth but yet I feel like crying as well...hahaha..weird me...Frankly i dont really like some of their way of managing e bar...it seems a bit messy as in e bar..managment wise still alrite but i juz felt there was a lack of some things...well but i muz accept that Byrick is not ard and i hv to adapt to watever way it is being manage...on my part i juz do my best and help in watever ways i can....I MISS PEI PEI!!!haiz...

so fri went to sch for an hour and realise that my lecturer cancelled e afternoon lec and tt we dun hv to hand in the essay...WHAT!!waste my money..i took a cab to sch cos of tt lo,...argh...haix..so went gym after tt and den home and to work...freakin tire & i was practically stoning...i felt very uncomfortable..feel so sick till e point where i nid to take a 5 min break...I think my body is asking me to stop...but i cant... but after having a choc i felt beta....so was working till 3am...anw there was quite a number of new stuff...see wat can happen in 2 weeks time...but I'm glad they joined...e new stuff r nice ppl...but I onli manage to meet 2 of them on thur and fri..so this guy is a irritating one but very easy going...he is those kind who can make the atmosphere not so tense up..like esp after a long day of work u feel super tire but he can ease that tireness cos of his energy..and this gal seems quite and all but super daring and has experience many things which i hv yet to find out...seems like a girl next door but very wild in nature...full of energy in her as well...hee...den at nite we went for supper n i started to think abt Byrock again..e times after work all of us will go supper and stuff like tt..haiz...nvm..so I reach home at abt 4 plus am...supper tire & it was like immdiate knock out once i ly down..

so woke up at 1 plus 2 juz now....*yawn*still feeling tire and a bit sickish...well..I GOT DINNER TONITE AT HOME!!!!WEEeeeee...hee...mum's back from thailand and i got a lot of new clothing....haha....ok..shall blog later..been thinking a lot lately...nid to sort my thought and of cos manage my schedule cos I'll be super busy till end of the year..guess I'll manage...hopefully..till den bye bye and take care all my friends....

2006-11-22T05:02:00.000+08:00

hey yoz..I'm back after a long time..haha..okie now its 5am in e morning..nt that I didnt slp but juz tt i got a habit of waking up in e middle of e nite to do my stuff....& i had a sudden urge to blog...haaha..yea..so sch life or rather my life is still as busy...& guess wat now more projs and ICAs!!!!argh...son...so gonna die manz...hahahas...well...will manage...

okie so last week was e 1st week of sch so its still alrite but the killer is e thanksgiving dinne..all e last min preparation...almost kill me manz..hahah...so van & me was like so busy preparing all e decoration..getting the food and everything else ready when e sick monster attack me...argh..but i cant afford to rest so juz carry on lo...but on e day itself other den some last min hiccups..everything else was fine...everyone enjoyed themselves...good food, good music, good games...everything went smoothly...Thank God for tt manz...oh..i forgot...muz thanx weiling for e help as well..if not for her van & me would hv died...hee...anw...e process of organising such events may be tiring but its e process tt I enjoy & seeing on tt day that everyone had fun, all e tireness was gone...but it was onli left with happiness & joy..& i really mux thanx many of the adults for helping to clear up...haha..didnt manage to take any photos of tt..it would b so heart warming...hee...Thanx all e wonderful ppl...

okie....sun went to service(like finally)...youth band performance & was suppose to meet Kong in the morning but she overslp(as usual..) but still thanx her for coming I appreciate tt effort...& to tell e truth I really thanx God for bringing her tt day..hee...& was suppose to meet clara but she too overslp till like 11 plus..so forget it...bt i had fun & seeing so many of them there tt day really bring me joy...hee...ppl who used to attend LK but stopped was back...hee...but I was supper tire but still hv to go for the mission trip training sessions...as usual...but guess I'm getting to noe more very good friends..*smile*...hee...

so as for this week...work, work & more work lo...so was at wine hut yesterday cos Lorretta wans me to sub her..oh well..since I haben been giving boss much schedule...so I went & clara say she bringing her mum to wine hut...Boss was so funny..say clara bringing her mum to see Frank...like pls...haha...it felt weird to work again after such a long break from wine hut...but once again getting to eat Frank's cooking was *YUMMY*...heee...I've been dying to eat Frank's cooking but I haben been working...and itts been so long since i work with Boss & Frank...hee..totally enjoyed myself other den e fact tt there wasnt much customer & I was left alone with Frank(cos Boss went to play dart)...& I was enjoying myself toking to this couple...so when I went home taking Boss's Car he was like saying it's been so long since I last fetch u home..yea...hahaha...It was fun working there...its like 1 family...hee...

hmmm..I beta go to bed & slp some more b4 its too late for me to slp...hee..nite...or shld I say morning..haha...

2006-11-15T00:18:00.000+08:00

hmmm..dun really noe wat to write now...cos I'm feeling freaking tire & slpy now...

Okie..so yesterday it was e 1st day of sch..finally..I was really happy to be back in sch..but I misses my colleagues(not all of cos..)..it feels weird on e first day of school..cos its like my schedule hv been 1pm till 10.30 like almost everyday so yesterday after school we went out to shop..and i feel so weird..cos at tt time I'm suppose to be in office but I'm not instead I was out at a shopping centre..haha...but i muz say I also feel sad cos its my last sem in NYP...and I'll be out at work soon...planning to go Australia to study...but of cos now I'll hv to work 1st..no financial support so will nid to save up 1st...so i handed up my IPP report and stuff yesterday and was sharing my experience with my lecturer...told him wat happen & stuff...dunno wat will be my grade...hee...will see...

1st day of sch..everyone was sharing their IPP experience..it was real fun hearing all of them sharing their different experience & wat they hv learnt...and i sure learn something out of tt..hee...its great seeing everyone...haas...and I'm appreciating all these b4 all of us graduate...so 1st thing in e morning was to go to the gym to work out and play badminton..so shuang to sweat it all out...woohoo...lesson was arite...after sch went to Miss Clarity Cafe to celebrate Lauren's birthday which is on Fri(17/11)...so after which went to TCC...so long since we last went out tog..it was great..haha...really had an enjoyable & tire day...

So tdy went to the gym again...lesson suppose to end at 9 tdy but it ended early at 7 plus and we went to supper supposedly but seems more like dinner...hee...but had a great chat with everyone...there was clara, loretta,kong,fai,ayie,azrie and me.sorry forgot abt rallen oso..so as usual continue our IPP story...hee..so funny...never ending story manz...

was actually thinking a lot recently..but too tire to type out my thoughts..haha...this week will be having a Thanksgiving dinner in church & we still have lots of things undone..so dead la..but we'll manage..hee...cant wait..weeee....hmmm..hope we can put up a good dinner for everyone that day..pray for us yea..hee...MY MUM JUZ GIVE CONSENT FOR ME TO GO THAILAND FOR E MISSION TRIP!!!WEEEEeeee...hee...

2006-11-07T19:25:00.000+08:00

okie...my off day tdy...kind of missing IPP le..missing the ppl le..not all of cos...but was really tire out & drain out by the office politics in the office...but guess I'm handling it well...hmmm..anyone wanna lend me their cam to take photos..guess i haben been taking any photos leh...hee...see who wan to lend it to me lo..nid to "save" some memories..happy ones of cos...

so yesterday at the office was thinking a lot...mix feelings...cos i heard some stuff at the feedback session on mon...cant wait to go back to sch & leave that place but yet I'm missing that place bcos of some ppl...actually not some la..its a lot of them...them volunteers, aunty jennifer, kenji(my in-charge who asses me..always bully me!!haha..nah), huiyu, ling ling, setha(YEC chairman, always worry abt this, worry abt that..keep nagging but very funny the way he always nag & stuff..lol), the YEC volunteers, dominic(they call him dom dom), joseph and a lot a lot...dunno who should i name le...but definitely I'll go back to visit them de=)(but guess there will be ppl who will not be happy seeing me)...*CRY*....

so i was toking to my in-charge yesterday...sometimes we jux wanna work happily..but yet there are ppl who r making it so difficult, I mean I'm saying in general(unless ppl r guilty of it)...sometimes if ppl are more forgiving...& work in a team..they dun complain so much...dun blame each other & r willing to help each other...things will be easier & simpler...but seems like its not easy oso cos there r ppl who r out to make life work & things difficult for u...but I guess u juz have to tolerate & dun follow their ways..stick to ur own believe as in the right believe of cos...dun gossip, dun complain(y spend so much time doing all these instead of using the time to finish ur work or do something more meaning like helping others), no backstabbing others, dun b a hypocrites(did i spell it correctly??), but be forgiving, be tolerances of others, be willing to help...i think things will be much much more simpler....

But i mux really say during this period of time i saw the ugly & dark side of the society, from my experience & of my friends...i guess i really pity all this people as i was mentioning all these to my Youth Mentor...& i was wondering y people who r so grown up behave in such a manner...& he mention that cos they have so much Bitterness in them, hatred i guess is part of it...they think that if ppl treat them like that den y cant they treat others like tt...so at the end of the day they hv this corroded spirit...Frankly, i pity these ppl..cos they lost hope...they dun hv tt hope like those tt I hv in God...i mean i tot to myself...after these few month of so many trials, byrick's sudden death, my mum's court case, things that happen to my friends, office politics so on & so forth..I'm still feeling joyful...I'm using the word joy instead of happiness cos I muz say I'm sad too, I'm onli human too, but that joy that hope I hv in God is from deep within knowing that God will handle everything & that everything happen for a reason...& I'm glad that I did grew up the positive way & not the negative way during this period of time..& knowing how to handle all the stuff tt has happen...of cos I also thanks to all my dear friends who have supported me all these while...I really thank God for all these friends that I'm blessed with..& I'm joyful even in e midst of all these..as I learn how to handle all these positively...& grow up each & every single day..

Hopefully with all this I could help other youth or even adults in the future.to be able to relate to ppl is my greatest gift from God I guess..heez...okie..too long a post...anw ppl can tag watever they can but I'm not bothered abt it...cos God, my family & friends know me best....smile k...I pray that everyone will be as joyful as I am in God!!!take care all my friends...LUV YA GALS & GUYS...cant wait for the weekend to hv gathering with u gals & guys..weeeeeeee....=)....

2006-11-06T17:50:00.000+08:00

weee...now its 5.50 & I'm leaving the office soon...first time after so long of working almost afternoon shift(its like everyday)...& knocking off at 10.30pm...hahaha!!!finally la...can go home watch tv show & slack liao...weeeeee....off for dinner...

2006-11-06T13:06:00.000+08:00

*yawn*woke up early tdy to go to PA HQ in the morning...met up with my friends & i would say its fun...had a feedback session & its fun sharing all our different experience..can be very funny oso...hahaha...now i'm back in office...sitting in front of com eating my lunch n typing this...maybe some updates for my dear friends...

hmm...okie i tried to blog this on sat..but when i try to publish they lost my entry...argh..but its okie...anw...so on thur & fri i was at the Wine for Asia fair at expo...it was a very good learning experience that I had...learnt a lot from the wine makers from the different region...& met a lot of ppl in the wine trade...it was real fun & i totally enjoy myself...tt really helped me in my wine knowledge...hahaha..

& on fri after the wine fair went to meet my sec sch bball mates...had a really good time catching up...crapping...eating..laughing and so on & so for...hahaha...everyone was good...really reminds me of the time in sec sch & i really miss those days..playing bball with them..dun hv to work..sharing problems with each other...hahaha...& i realise that when we chat the topic change compared to last time when we met up...see how we grow...miss you gals manz...really hope to catch up again...

sat was back in office(last day of wine fair & i didnt get to go..argh) but i wasnt in the office much cos sat was a whole day of event(COOL!!)haha...afternoon was a YEC event..had lots of food & I totally love toking to the youth & the adults...another learning experience but it was more of a caual, relax session with the MP...so then off to help the children soccer...cute kids..hehehe...onli can say that they are cute & nothing else..hee...innocent as can be...so nice to be a kid la..

yesterday went to the clean & green week...but i was dead tire cos i slp at 2 on sat & woke up at 5.30(suppose to wake up at 5 la...overslp)but the event was quite cock up...so in the end we hv to go help out oso..but i love to do that...that's the fun part in event everybody helping each other...& that's wat i call team work...last week of IPP & i kind of miss the CC...the ppl(not all)...but I'll still be helping out in the YEC...heee...fun..help them with events...wooohooo...den after which went to upper thomson for missions training...was damn tire..but it was another enriching session..learn about mime...never understand it but now i do a bit more la...very interesting...learnt about the purpose of all the action, makeup & stuff like tt...

went to met lala at nite to chit chat & la koppi...hahaha...totally enjoy myself...eating ice-cream(growing fatter)...shall not mention any topics here...hahaha...sensitive issue if not lala will kill me...anw was guessing who is the person whohas been tagging my blog trying to irritate me...& we were thinking this person might not be from our sch thou she/he puts there nyp...we were guessing someone & i think i noe who's that..but its okie..I'm cool about & frankly i might be angry at first but now i think y shld i be...so peace!!!weeeee...hahaha...but thanx to devil who help me speak up...its okie...all my friends noe me best...i shall gif whoever that person is the benefit of doubt...hmmmmm...*yawn*...waiting for the weekend so I can go out with my poly kakis..miss them very very much le...going back to sch soon..but that would mean I'm graduating soon...haiz...but well..that'a a new phrase of my life...& i will be learning more...heez..but i think I'll miss my friends more liao*CRY*!!!!

okie...starting work soon liao...but i'm knocking off at 6 today...hmm..off i go..shall update you guys later ba...need to go type my report le...ciao...

2006-11-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

argh....TIRE!!!too much things have happened recently...& its really draining me out..totally....shall not mention anything here...but yet it made me think a lot...& learn a lot too...but I'm super tire out by all these...conclusion u can never please everyone...1 thing i learn & will always rmb...well frankly i dun hv to please anyone but God...& i shall honor him the right ways...but i muz say i really dun like ppl who put on mask everyday...well..someone tag saying I'm arrogant...i dunno..am I???haha..well, haben got tt comment from anyone except my aunt yet...but still thanks to that person who tag & let me noe...shld go ask my fren le...anw...think I'd better rest...tml & fri I got the wine fair at expo...weee...hopefully will learn more..hahaha....

2006-10-31T21:50:00.000+08:00

hey yoz...I'm back..cos now got not much things to do...so finally got the time to blog...yea...shall continue form yest..so yea..sat wat did i do...eh...oh yea...i was on shift & it was the YEC flea market...wasnt that good thou...but sat was alrite..

sun woke up late cos i was really really very tire after a long week of busy finishing my work & stuff...I'm like working 7 days a week for the past weeks..so super tire & i didnt go for service only went to the meeting for the thanksgiving dinner...& afternoon went for mission trip training session & rush down to expo for concert..so by the end of the day I'm super dead & tire...

Mon came back to work but was hving a real bad headache...today oso...but yest was fun thou...went to MPS to help...& went for dinner with my in charge & her fren..chatted & gossip a lot...finally was able to let out everything...but today was hell..cos ppl was trying to pick on me...& got scolded twice for stupid reasons...argh..cant stand that old lady...but I'm cool..I always look on the bright side...y shld i be bother by stupid low ppl...i shall be cool...weee...later going for supper!!!growing fatter but i dun care cos when sh starts I'm gonna be super busy expected that...by the time i would not hv the time for supper le...shall enjoy now thou office life is hell...but I'm glad there are ppl who care as well...I'm happy...cos I hv God!!!weeee.....I shall not stand on any side but on God's...I'll do wat is right..follow wat is right in His Eyes...

2006-10-30T15:03:00.000+08:00

Its a mon tdy...feeling kind of ermmm..how shall describe it...eh...i guess its mon blue or is it juz me..had a really busy week last week..so i slept early yest..at 11 plus(tt's e earliest i guess..)so slp till like 11 this morning...guess wat...i shld be feeling energetic but instead hv a really bad headache...argh...till now i still feel a bit brain dead...think its a result of sleeping too much...hmmm..so wat hv i been doing for the pass week...eh...cant really rmb thou...bad memories...too busy liao...let me think...

oh yea...fri i was hving this jeremy oliver dinner @ fort canning part the legend..it was indeed an eye opener for me la...nv been to this kind of function as a guest(cos normally I'm the server)...well i expected a lot of snobbish(did i spell tt correctly?)ppl...but well i guess it was still alrite..not so bad...there a few snob ppl not the ppl that i hv tok to was okie...thanx to ade who lend me her dress & let me dress up(I'm a tomboy so dun really noe how to..)but i hv a glimpse of the world of wine trade...well...I'll be involve in wine Asia this week...another opportunity for me to learn...weee....like this kind of event...

so sat was working...as usual admin work, counter work...but gotta finish my data entry...shall stop here for a while..will continue later..got things to do...

2006-10-28T13:08:00.000+08:00

its a sat...i call it a brain dead day or brain dead sat...I'm really feeling numb now...cos of all e late nite slp due to work as in my attachment plus part time...one is not enuf to make me so brain dead...I totally cant think now...cos I'm freaking tire...haben been slpin enuf for the past few nite & have been slpin at 4, 5 am in the morning...*yawn*...now I'm in the office ready for another boring day of mine in the office later...& waiting for time to pass..but at least not as bad as compared to sun thou...okie..great I cant think now...shall see if my brain works later den maybe I'll continue to blog...

2006-10-20T14:35:00.000+08:00

weee...I'm back...seems like I haben been blogging for quite some time liao...but its onli like 4 days onli la...woo..so let see wat I hv i done for e pass 4 days...

well...this few day have been busy la...cos I'm assign quite a few events le...so meaning a lot of work to do & meeting to attend but I'm very happy till I'm a bit high la..u can say I'm a bit workaholic la....hee...been designing posters for the events & doing the admin stuff la..but I'm happy...wee...at least dun hv ot stay in office whole to rot...hate that...like i say I DUN LIKE TO SIT IN OFFICE THE WHOLE DAY!!!it's damn freaking boring...argh...cant wait those events manz...wahahaha....& I cant wait for next week to come thou I super packed next week...cos I hv 4 days off but all e 4 days r packed with events..weee...

so yest was my off day but i didnt work at tasting notes...went swimming in the afternoon & b4 that I was slacking...feel so shiok...hahaha...so long nv slack liao...weee...den went swimming..it feels so good to exercise manz...hahaha..den off to ade's place to pass her the princess hours dvd...cos she cant walk properly yet(lend ppl dvd still nid to deliver it sia..gd service rite)chatted for a while b4 heading to my Youth mentor's place for bible study with Van...hmmm...had a good chat & off i go home...

now I'm here again sitting at the counter AGAIN!!!haiz..nvm..3 MORE WEEKS ONLI & I'M OFF!!!WAHAHAHA!!!3 more weeks but guess I'll still miss this place thou...haiz..but i cant wait to go back to sch manz...weee....but i muz say the timetable sux..pls la...fri make me go back for 1 hr...& i nid to take 1 hour bus ride to sch...haiz...but still timetable is quite slack...at least i can work after that...haha...okie shall stop here...tata...off to slack...haha...

2006-10-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

Finally back home afte a long long day out(act I was home @ 12 plus..)...so now I'm dead tire...cos I onli slept for like 5 hours...so after work went to markan with hanson at my place...dunno is who acc who la...but we had a good chat abt sch, life, community work, IPP & stuff like tt la...so after I...me...a girl send a guy to the bus stop..but I'm cool with it la...I'll rather do tt den he send me..cos I'll feel damn weird...I prefer e other way round...haha...so went home..pack my stuff & so on & so forth till like 3+ am b4 i go to bed...

woke up at 8...was almost late for nursery duty...luckily there wasnt much kids tdy so wasnt tt tiring..plus i took up e slack job..haha...but e kids was like fight to sit on my lap la...haiz...cannot tahan...so in e end made them sit on e floor...if not I'll get a leg cramp....

den went for youth after tt for awhile b4 heading to my youth mentor's place to had my lunch & discuss abt e mission trip to Thailand, Udon Thani...looking forward to it..but now is whether my mum let me go not..once she nod her head..yippeeee.....off i go..I'm dying to go manz...thou that week tt i go will be a week b4 school holiday, which means its my ICA week...all e test test test...but if tt's the will of God I'll go..cos I believe that he'll take care of it all...heez..

after which head to upper thomson for the mission trip preparation...its a training..like team building & stuff cos some of us r from different churches...but it was fun & fulfilling & during this time I can feel God speaking to me...heez...got to noe lots of ppl..took up e role of prayer I/C..or i would say prayer coordinator la...dunno if I can do a good job..but I guess it will be fine with e help of God...heez..

after that went to meet lala at Harbour front...went to Vivo City..very big but nth fascinating...cos mayb a lot of e shops r not open..but e place is quite classy...saw a lot of new brands...but we felt quite sianz after a while..cos there r juz too many ppl...cant stand it...so we head off...trying to find a destination...cant think both of us were brain dead...mayb cos too much things have been happening...we were like trying to decidew where to go..so we ended up at chinatown...went to maxwell food centre...a lot of e stalls were not open..but we manage to grab something to eat...den cab down to esplanade cos we were too lazy & tire to walk...went to la kopi at Pacific coffee club...it was a long nice chat again...miss those times in sch...chatted abt lots of things...sheesh...secret...so much things to tok abt & to share but juz too little time...

& I was thinking to myself..i mean if it is so bad now during our attachment..wouldnt it be worst when we graduate & starts to work...tt'll be bad manz...but wat to do...tt's part & parcel of life I guess...I juz hv to get use to it tt's all...but hopefully it wun be as bad...cos maybe now most of us r unhappy with our attachment..cos its OFFICE WORK!!!ARGH...not mend for SW students...lolx...hopefully all will be fine...cant wait to go back to sch..& it will be the last sem..so sad..time really flies manz...graduating next year....whao...I think I'll miz sch, my kakis alot alot...I'll miss those time manz....oh well..life still goes on...a note for LALA LEE, my best pal:

oui...dun keep everything to urself...rmb to shar wor...like wat u tell me to share my burden with u..u oso muz do tt..its juz a phone call away...I'll juz be ur listening ear...I shut up..haha...rmb a burden shared is a burden halved...too much burden will become fat..cos too much weight..hahaha...so muz share e load...heez....anw thanx for hearing me out all e time...& hearing all my crap la...haha..u take care yea...

okie tt's tt for now...shall update u ppl next time...till den...bye bye!!

2006-10-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

hmmm..tot tt this com would let me change the fonts & the colour of the fonts...but it cant...sad case manz...guess I'll juz hv to change it at home..if not den if i can go to e-club...wahahaha..okie..now I'm sitting at the counter AGAIN!!haiz..really dun like to work on weekend..i mean not say i dun like but its like i dun like to work on weekend in the CC..1 thing I dun like to sit down waiting for time to pass la...juz dun ask me to sit tt's all...i dun mind if u ask me to walk ard or run ard..hop ard..not sit ard..so my conclusion I'm not mend for office job..cos i dun like to sit down at the stupid office setting doing admin work la..not my type of job..I can imagine myself if next time i were to get an office job I'll be dragging myself to work everyday la...den going to work everyday will become a chore..I mean come on la..I wan to go to work each day happily cos tt's my passion..& wat i like to do...if possible la...haha..now I'm juz hoping time will pass faster so i can go back to sch..I miss sch..Imiss my kakis of friends..I miss going to work after sch...I miss going to wine hut to work(cos i miss Frank's cooking...haha..so long nv eat the food tt he cook liao...)argh....I miss going to work @ Tasting Notes oso...I miss Byrick...miss so many things la...nvm...4 more weeks & I'm off...hang on there...okie..shall blog later if I'm bored again...

2006-10-12T17:52:00.000+08:00

weee....here I am @ e-club...the onli place i can have my own privacy...& blog here quietly...4 more weeks & off I go..I shall hang on...oh well...as usual my Off day yesterday at Tasting Notes...I always more them happy to work there...so yest was at a function...boring cos not much ppl la...but I had a good chat with my boss thou at Tasting Notes...he's a nice guy la..oh yea...he ask me if i got a boyfriend...nope of cos...he asked y...well reason: I think its not the time now...& I've made a promise with God that I will not go into a relationship till I'm 21...well to many it might be a joke but to me...I'm taking it seriously cos I believe that when its the right time my the other half will show...it will all depend on God's timing for me..anw I fine being single & I'm enjoying it ver much...hving lots of fun with me friends...

hmm...someone ask me this question...wat do u see urself in 10 years time..I said I'll be happily doing wat I like to do...a camp instructor & organiser...doing youth work..but i noe that I'll nv noe wat happen in ten years time maybe not even in 2 years...cos life is unpredictable..u'll nv noe wat will happen next...maybe I can see myself in 1 years time that I'll be working at Tasting Notes*full stop*...tt's all...i mean I hv a lot of dream..a lot of things i wanna do..in fact too much...but 10 years down the road things might change & for now I just treasure wat I have b4 i lose them...tt's wat i think...sometimes being content is not a bad thing...life will be happier & simpler...wat do u think??okie that makes me sounds old rite..but I muz say after the death of Byrick..I've been thinking a lot...& that has make me grow up much much more i guess...hopefully a better person...hahaha...

about my future I'm not too sure...but maybe I'll like to go overseas to study...but of cos the money...so gotta work real hard...giving myself 2 to 3 years to work at Tasting Notes & hopefully Tasting Notes will grow...regionally...tt's wat my hope for it...& my goal...till den shall stop crapping...hahaha..watever the case I'll hold on to God to give the strength throu all this....& till den tata..& take care all my friends...dying to go back to sch...cant wait...hahaha

2006-10-10T14:29:00.000+08:00

here I m in office again(I wonder I think i hv said tt many times liao)...hearing all the aunties nagging non-stop...gossipping abt others...I was wondering r dey so bored till they hv to do all these...they really got too much time manz...till they hv to gossip...haiz..well even thou i got nth to do but i juz shut my mouth & do my work...argh...I'm going crazy over all these bo liao stuff liao..save me manz...now i'm sitting in front of e computer doing nth cos they got nth to let me do..den later they complain tt i got nth to do...& I'm slacking...haiz...wat is this manz...pls gif me some work to do manz..if not I'll really be bored to death...*cry*...off to slack...

2006-10-08T16:02:00.000+08:00

hey yoz...so now I'm back in the office...sitting at the counetr as usual*yawn*...feeling tire cos I was at sentosa earlier on for a recce trip...woke up at 8+ & I was almost late...suppose to be there meeting them @ 9am...slp very late last nite la..as usual...I can never slp early...so later will be going out with Clara & Kong to la kopi...chill out lo..so long nv hang out with them...

anw...yest was at the woman day out event..took part in the 3hrs aerobics challenge & I almost died..too long nv exercise...& this morning my body was aching so badly...esp my back la...haiz..muz admit that I'm old liao..but tt's the physical..inside me I'm still young & youthful manz...wahahaha...but it was fun thou...like to exercise & like to perspire...wahahaha...its gd perspiring out..okie..1 & a haif more hours to go & I'm OFF!!!wahahaaha...dun hv to stay in office till 10...it will bored me to death manz...okie..off to watch youtube now...weeee....

2006-10-06T13:26:00.000+08:00

feel a sudden urge to blog abt this...dun ask y...i myself am not so sure...its that kind of feeling that juz fill ur heart all of the sudden...well..to be frank I envy ppl who can afford the money to go overseas for adventure sport like diving, rockclimbing & so on & so fore...it is nice & fun & I'll very much like to do that one day...that's my dream to try every adventure sport given a chance...& my greatest dream...backpacking...and I guess God give me this passion, bcos I love to go on mission trip to meet different ppl & to learn different culture I think it is very fun...That's y I love my job as a server...I meet different kind of ppl everyday & I get to tokt o them abt everything, from there I learn something new everyday..its fun & interesting...God gif me that ability to engage with ppl...but now I hv my responsibility to take care of..

Like wat I said earlier on I'll be working in Tasting Note after I graduate but I wun be there forever, of cos I muz say I love the job there cos I tok & learn from different ppl everyday..I love going to function cos every function gif different experience...& of cos I'm falling in love with wine...its very very interesting..cos every bottle has its own charateristic juz like human being...even thou its from the same grape, same vine or same barrel...there are wine which are shy, but yet some are bold...haha...that's wat I learn from byrick...be imaginative & creative abt wine...dun restrict urself or the wine...hmmm..okie a bit too far out back...so as i was saying I'm giving myself 2 years or max 3 years there & after that if I find that its time for me to go pursue my dream of either going overseas to study or there's opportunity for me to become a camp instructor & at the end of the day organise camp I'll go for it...and at the end of the day serving God & working with youth...it werent be easy...there a lot of challenge ahead of me but I'll manage well...God will bring me thru...I'm very very sure...200% sure abt this..well..guess its time to stop here...starting work soon...till den everyone...take care...

2006-10-05T18:02:00.000+08:00

hmmm...feeling kind of bored now...but glad i hv the radio here...act dunno wat to write..okie..so yest I was working at tasting notes cos its my off day...I was enjoying myself la...cos I went to this function...supposedly a art exhibition...quite interesting...the way artist wan to express themselves u'll never noe..admire their creativity...so i was cutting cheese & serving wine to the ppl...I was enjoying myself very much cos its like finally i dun hv to be in the office the whole day doing nth...met different kind of people & was toking to them...some ppl ask me abt wine so I juz answer them watever I noe...so out of sudden this lady asked:

Lady: who's ur shifu?
Me: ................my shifu...My shifu is Byrick NG.
Lady: Oh...
Me: But he passed away juz last monday...
Lady: Oh.............
Me: Looking for a new shifu to learn abt wine now...
Lady: Okie...

But I noe deep in my heart no one can replace that place in my heart...now I'm trying hard to learn wine on my own...or shld i say with the team of part timers & staff at Tasting Notes...trying to find out watever I can myself...I use to take it for granted that its okie u noe..i can take my time to learn cos Byrick will always be there & I can always ask him whenever I wan to so no rush...but now I regret hving to think like that...but I guess tt's wat Byrick wan too...for me to hv my own theory & philosophy abt wine from watever I've learn...well..now that I've to really read up on my own now..cos my shifu is no longer ard...but I'll manage well with the help of the staff from Tasting Notes...Thank You pei pei for teaching me so much now I'll hv to embark on a journey w/o the help of you now...but rest assure that I'll do beta den u did...heee...Thank You for bringing me into the world of wine...Think I'm slowly falling in love with wine....

2006-10-03T10:47:00.000+08:00

Today's e 9th day oredi...hmmm..okie..it doesn't hurt so much anymore...pulling myself up...yea...I'm now learning how to be independent...learning all over again abt wine...Byrick...I'm gonna learn beta den u....blah =p...I'm gonna learn more den u...wahahaha...hope tt will make u proud...well...tdy I've learnt something..humility & gentleness from Our Daily Bread...tt's wat a lot of ppl lack nowadays..ppl onli think abt pride & harshness which they mark it as success...but the truth is...humility & gentleness win e battle...tt's wat I think personally...isnt wat byrick use to do...he's confident in work but never arrogant...tt in turn gain all of our respect...cos he genuinely care for his staff even part timer..he's always willing to teach...& he will ask us for advice as well...so tt i felt is something I can learn from him...

God may u teach e to be humble & gentle...& guide us thru this time of trials...be our pilot Lord...
In Jesus name I pray
Amen

2006-10-02T18:35:00.000+08:00

yup...here I am again...finally find some time to blog again...not that busy today...now am sitting at the counter typing this entry...I can tell you..i really dun like this attachement...cos of the office politics that got me involved...not directly but indirectly & I choose to ignore it..cos I find it no point at all...y not juz sit down & do my work instead of wasting my time doing things that do not serve any purpose but hurt others for my own pleasure...so sickening...anw...continue from where I stop..so after that I went to the place where the accident took place with Wendy...brought a Lily flower for Byrick...his favourite flower..saw the scratch mark..its juz a short distance only...dunno wat's he doing la...haiz...so head home & realise that I left my handphone at Tasting Notes...stupid me...haiz...super tire...doze off on the sofa...& the next morning my back was like super pain la...my neck too...sad case manz...

yea so now here's some short little note:

To Clara: Thank for being there for me...noe u urself are feeling damn sad & tire but u r always there to support me...& thanx for that super touching letter of ur's...luv u clara lee*muackz*...u urself muz take care to...sorry for making u cry tt day with me...heee..but i very shuang for doing that...rare chances of making u cry manx....wahahaha...

To Wendy: U r equally sad I noe...hey stay strong gal...Byrick dun wan to see us like that...& pls take care...u cant please everyone all the time cos its gonna make u super tire...there's always a limit...balance ur stuff...sorry for making u cry like waterfall that day in the office...hee...

To Kendy: Sometime I juz feel like slaughtering u cos of wat u said but this is not wat u meant...but still thank for the tag...i noe I haben been myself...but u r always there as well...waiting silently...thanx my pal..

To Van: hey gal..thanx for crying with me...thou u might not see this but thanx...thanx for listening & supporting me...luv u manx...hahaha...sheesh I wun tell anyone that u cry with me....hee...

To Hanson: thanx for watever u said to me...& thanx for the care & concern & thanx for trying to be "nice" to me(thou it didnt work much)..anw thanx for letting me suan...hahaha...

To Loretta: Thank for ur willingness to help Tasting Notes...& thanx fo rur soncern...I'm okie now...still as strong as ever...hahaha...u too mux take care yea...dun tire urself out too much..there's always a limit that ur body can take...

To my Youth Mentor: Thanx for that listening ear & the advice given...if not I'll be damn lost...

To Jill: Hey gal...be strong k...Byrick dun wan to see you like this...& I oso wan to thank you for carrying on Byrick's passion in wine...thank you for staying strong to support the dream & passion of his...& thanks for all e effort...noe that u r tire...so dun tire urself out so much yea...rmb to take...eat well, slp well...& SMILE K...I wan to see that Jill that I use to see...always smiling so happily...I'll try my best to gif to assist u in watever ways I can...it wun b much juz a little but hope it still helps...hahaha..I noe i crap la...& DUN KEEP THINKING ABT BYRICK LA!!!ALWYAS SAY U MISS HIM!!!SO DUN MISS ME LA!!!I LOOK BETA DEN HIM LO...it's a fact...wahahahahaha!!!opps...sheesh.....so yea...rmb he has gone to a place where he finally can rest(i dun wan to see him sleep & drool like nobody's business liao so..so smelly some more..)hahaha...he'll always remain in our hearts...all the memories...& the best present for him is not to be sad...but rmb wat he has tot us & rmb it & apply or even make it beta & improve it...make him proud of us...make him jealous cos we do so well...hahaha...

To my frenz: I dunno who else I left out but I'm really sorry...Thanx for watever u hv done & in watever ways given support to me...Thank you from deep down...LUV U ALL*MUACKZ*....

Okie...I think tt's all I guess.......off to work.....

2006-10-02T13:44:00.000+08:00

okie...continue from where I left....

well...on fri...went to work as usual in the after...it ws Byrick's Funeral tt day...didnt intend to go...cos I dun wan to cry there on the last day...& I cant possibly skip work again...cos act I'm not suppose to take compassionate leave on mon but my supervisor act allow tt thou Byrick was juz a fren so I'm really grateful to him oredi & didnt wan to cause more trouble for him for approving my urgent leave...but wendy called @ 11 plus almost 12 & ask me if i wan to go...cos she felt the urge to go...I was like Byrick is leaving at 12pm, I mean they are leaving for Mandai at 12 & it will take me at least half an hour for me to go pasir ris from my place...so even if i rush there it will be 12 plus...they would hv left the place...argh..so after much discussion...I told wendy to forget it...to me its no point...so yea...went to work...a long day of data entry...it sux la okie...make me so tire...den rush down to SAFRA Changi for Church retreat..I mean Youth Mentor & Youth Leaders retreat...cant help but cry my way there on the cab & after I reach here cry again...sux...cos felt damn sad...argh...not suppose to cry anymore...but I guess it made me felt beta I guess...Thanx to Van...thanx for ur presence there...

saturday it was all day of fun & laughter for me went to sch in the morning after Mac breakfast...den back to the chalet...it was free & easy time so I went to nap for a while 4 we head to bowling & arcade it was damn fun..I totally enjoy myself very very much...cos I wasnt thinking abt anything & I felt very relax...afetr that we had BBQ...weeeee....hahaha....had lots of food la...& there stupid game that we played made me eat & eat...need to exercise more oredi liao..getting fat...so tok to my youth mentor abt my attachment cos need some advice from him..thanx to him...now i noe how to handle the problem that hv been bothering me..so now its to solve it...after that wanted to go to the beach for star gazing but we were all to tire so decided to chat in the room till 2 plus almost 3...den went to bed...

woke up at 7+ in the morning..damn tire...den had a worship session...it was...I would use peaceful to describe...haha..after that pack up head back to church...had prayer time with the rest of the youth but I was stoning cos I'm damn freaking tire...but after that it was like back to reality...this sadness juz came back...argh...I went to Tasting Notes after the prayer time...it looks all the same but yet felt so different..went into the cellar & this sudden sadness juz made me wan to cry but yet i cant...I dun wan to let Jill cry...she looks different oso...you can see tt sadness in her eyes...haiz...but anw thanx for her children's day presnt..haha...a cake from canele(dunno if i spell correctly)...mont blanc...very nice...hope she'll be alrite...but she's trying very very hard...learning everything on her way...Jill thanx for that passion...Thanks for hanging on there...keep up the gd work...all the way...

okie..shall continue later when I'm free...nid to go work now...stay tune ppl...

2006-10-02T09:16:00.000+08:00

okie...its been a week...my weekend was full of fun, relax, tireness, sadness, excitment, enjoyment & a whole lot of mix feelings la(argh..my hair keeps dropping recently la...is it cos too much have been happening recently...stress induced manz) the truth is it still hurt...but guess I'm recovering well...thanx to my frenz, Youth mentor, those who hv lend me a listening ear & hv cried with me..thanx my pals...luv u guys...

Think I'll start from thur....

Okie...thur after work went down to the wake with Wendy & Jenn..initially it ws fine...juz felt a bit sad..but Jenn started crying...& Wendy & me started crying as well...it was kind of sad & all of sudden I felt very lost...well was chatting with Hanson in the morning on MSN & he mention that it was time to be independent & so on...but it was real hard job to do...& i really got no idea how shld i do it...was like how shld i do w/o him ard to guide me...den stayed till 3+ felt so tire & left for home cos I still nid to work in the afternoon...was toking to Lydia..had a good chat with abt a lot a lot of stuff from Byrick to Sistina(the restaurant that I use to work at & that was the place that I met Byrick, & started out in the F&B industry, & my 1st workplace)...but she mentioned something really true..Its ur funeral that determine ur success as a person...cos at the end of e day..if u r successful as a person like Byrick...during ur funeral...ppl will tok abt u abt how u treated ppl so nicely..ppl cry cos they felt they hv lost someone special & impt...& ppl will rmb u as a nice person who hv helped them in a way or another but let say u r not successful as a person..cos u treat ppl like shit & thinks that ppl cant live w/o u & stuff like tt..I think during ur funeral ppl wun be toking much abt u...not that they dun wan or wat cos ppl thinks that...its okie la...he/she's already dead...dun wan to tok abt anything bad during the wake la...tt's I felt is damn true...I mean Byrock's wake every sentence that we said is abt him...cos he's such a good guy...

shall continue later...nid to go to tasting notes to take my phone..left it there las nite....stay tune...

2006-09-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

4th day...going to the wake @ nite after work...still feels kind of gloomy...but beta I guess...Thanx to CLARA LEE CI HUI(happy not??put ur name so big on my blog entry...)yea...ahd a nice long tok with her yesterday till...it was a 3 hours tok(or more than tat??)..thanx for advice & ur listening...& thanx for the support..it is not any beta for u but u still stand & supported me...Thanx my fren...It was so long since we had time to chat for so long...& I really appreciate that time...The advice that u gif..rest assure...I'll leave the option open...like wat I told Hanson(thanx for the listening & thanx for willing to listen to me nagging...)I'm not giving up my dream of being a camp instructor & pursuing my degree if the need arises but its juz that I'm putting that on hold till I felt that I've done my part...& someone else beta can help Jill handle Tasting Notes but for now I juz want to keep my promise to Jill & to Byrick...Thanx to my fren who has shown so much concern this few days...it hasn't been easy...

In life I've met with a lot of death...The most painful one..my grandma..I still misses her till tdy...She's the one who brought me up...her departure left a deep scar in my heart...most sudden & shock this one...Byrick...never expected it to happen...& the one that I felt left a very heavy burden & the most lost..Thanx to my fren for sharing the heavy burden with me...Clara wanna tell u...Y u write tat letter to me at this time manz...idiot..cause me to be in deep shit la...left me so touch that I wanna cry but I cant cos I'm in office...u idiot..next time choose the rite timing can anot...hahaha...anw..really thanx for that letter & all the support...luv u all my fren..whoever have been sharing my heavy burden with me...I will stay strong with the help of God...but now that hurt...time will heal it...but now..it still hurts...sorry if I haben been myself these few days...hope u guys understand & stay strong too...

In that letter Clara wrote something that Byrick once told her...“Do not follow Byrick’s footsteps, don’t stay behind him. Do better than him, and he will be proud of you….”...

2006-09-27T15:51:00.000+08:00

Feeling down..not feeling all that good...Attachment haben been this bad..Everything seems out of place...everythings seems wrong...God pls save me from this agony...Life has become so fragile, so vunerable...1 moment someone can be standing in front of you but the next that someone is gone...These few days life seems so long...Time seems to pass by very slowly...How I wish, how I wish...so many how I wish...but its all useless now...Everything else seems to remain the same...The world still continue to move like usual...Life still hv to go on as usual...but still...It seems not the same anymore...

2006-09-27T13:37:00.000+08:00

It's the 3rd day...starting to accept that fact...but it still feels hurt...misses you...frenz that r shock hearing the news...hopefully time will heal everything...hopefully time will let me get use to your absence...hopefully time will let me not feel weird w/o you when I'm working...hopefully time will let me get use to you not ard when we go for super or movie...hopefully time will let me get use to not able to sit on ur bike & hving you sned me home...hopefully time will let let me get use to not hving working with me till late @ nite n chit-chatting with me, giving me advise, teasing me, guiding me & me giving you advise on gals matter...hopefully time will heal the pain in all of our heart...hopefully time will let us learn to not hving you ard...misses ur presence...misses you...my most respected manager, advisor, mentor & "father"...still after 3 days i still hope that it was wat it meant to be & that everything was not true...I will always rmb wat u tot me sincerity & honesty...always do wat u preach...so much more u hv tot me...i cant put into words...I'm lost at words...how can I take the responsibility w/o you ard...How m I going to learn...You always emphasize on learning...& told me that I can also learn something from a incompetent manager or supervisor..learn from their mistake & dun repeat theirs...be sincere to your customer...be honest...rpovide information for them...always providing quality service...now that you r gone...who else will remind me of all these, who else can continue to teach me?? I'm not sure...pls tell me wat to do..........................I guess time will tell...

2006-09-26T15:21:00.000+08:00

A post by Byrick last year when I spike him cos of some stuff..shall not mention..but now all is gone...

Fish

28th October 2005 6.40 a.m
Can't sleep well (I am very sick for the first time in 3 years) so I decided to write this blog. Hey sorry Fish so now this is a section all on you, ok!
Biyu aka Fish occasionally sotong or stingray; why? Sometimes she gets so blur with her work that she will not realize her mistakes till late or she fights back when she is being provoked. She has been working with me since the days of Sistina (I still can remember the interview of Wendy and Fish very well as they asked a question that nobody ever have asked me before; "Can we dye our hair?") She has grown up from a teen to a young adult during the last 3 years although most of the times she behave more like a young kid (she is). From a very green horn to an pretty young gal (she said she not pretty), from someone who do not know about the world to someone who can speak about general knowledge. I understand that she choose to study sport and wellness on her objection of her mother, hmm.... she knows what she wants and will try her best to achieve it. Remind me of when I chose to study SHATEC against the will of my parents. I hope she will hang on to the belief and reason why she want to study this subject. She has a differnet beauty from the rest of the gals who are working for me. Loretta remind me of Karen Mok or Kirsten Dunst while Fish remind me of Sandy Lam. Although Sandy Lam is not a stunning beauty but she has a look that will last. I am very sure that Fish will not have problems with suitors just like Loretta.
I am very happy that after leaving Sistina, we finally get to work again at Wine Connection. Fish, Loretta & Adeline has contribute much to the success of Bar @ Wine Connection. Without them is like I have lost my arms and legs. Thank you gals.
Well, I wish Fish the best in her study and go on and achieve what she set to do.

2006-09-26T11:35:00.000+08:00

I'm still can't believe it has happen thou I've went to the wake yest...The whole afternoon I was hoping it was all a joke...I was reluctant to go there cos I still cant believe it is true...its so sudden & he left so many responsibility behind....I hv yet to learn from him all abt wine & he still owe me the wine opener that he has promised...he has left so many things undone...& he's leaving us juz like tt...I still cant believe that...The news are still ringing in my ears & this mornin when I woke up I was still hoping all these was just a dream....When I looked into the coffin yest I was hoping you could open ur eyes but u didnt...& there u r sleeping so peacefully but here we r suffering bcos u left w/o a word...u left with unfinished work...& u left us shedding drops & drops of tear for u...how could u...& now I'm super lost....wat shall I do...Jill is feeling so sad but she still hv to carry on...I hope she'll take care of herself...I'm afraid that she'll juz fall apart...I dun feel like working tdy..but I cant...wat shld i do...I've got so many things to handle but i dunno which to do 1st...teach me...I'm not sure...pls somebody!!!I've told Jill that I'll be heping her out after graduation cos Byrick has told me a lot of time that he hope Wendy & I can go over to help him...initially I told to wait till I've fulfill my dream as a camp instructor...but now he cant wait for me anymore...so I guess I'll hv to let my dream wait...It seems like yest that I was toking to him & joking with him...it still seems so unreal...it feels like it was all a dream or a joke....

To: my dearest Mentor, Manager, Advisor & "Father"...

2006-09-25T13:04:00.000+08:00

It comes as a shock to hear abt e news...It never came across my mind & when I heard e news I tot it was a joke it cant be true but the fact that it is indeed true...It's hard or I shld say I cant imagine w/o u ard how m i going to survive in this industry....U tot me & guide me...& to me u r like a father...u r the best manager tt I've met so far...U tot me a lot abt wine & customer svc & the most valuable lesson abt life...u r my advisor when I hv problem tt I do not noe how to solve...

I hv started to work with u at the age of 16 till now it has been 2 years 9 month...u watch me grow & guide me along...u told me to go for my dream but u said that u really hope that I can stay in the wine industry but u noe i would not...wherever u go u always rmb me & ask me to join u...& no matter how much mistake i make u r patient to teach & guide & never once did u scold me...Frankly speaking with my little work experience i hv never met other manager who r like u...u treat all the part timer like ur own child & r willing to guide them patiently provided that they r willing to learn...I noe that I'm not tt good but u told me that I'm e best person in this industry...Till now I still cant believe that u r no longer ard...To me I've lost a Teacher, a mentor, an advisor, the best manager & a father...U always told me wat if u die 1 day & I always told u "nah, it wun happen, stop joking"...but now u r really gone...i dunno who else will continue to guide me in this long journey of life...who else can replace u in my heart...

2006-09-24T20:41:00.000+08:00

okie...as "promised" I came back to blog again...see...I really got nth to do at all...another reason for blogging..cos...I CAN NO LONGER STAND THAT UNCLE BESIDE ME LA!!ARGH...his listening to alle chinese oldies & its getting on my nerve manz...cos its so damn irritating la..u noe all e chinese oldies how they sound like....argh...& it continue non-stop la...its getting damn irritating now...& i've got the urge to shut at him & throw that stupid radio on the floor la...argh...PLS SAVE ME MANZ!!!argh...*CRY*hot pity can i get...its a torment to my patience, my brain & my nerve la...sharks...Its like my ear drum going to burst anytime...its that bad...I dunno whether to laugh or to cry manz...I got no idea at all....my brain is not functioning well at this point in time manz...cos all songs is driving crazy...that songs form that damn radio station that is mend for aunties & uncles...oh shit....here come another..I'm so going to die la..another few of these will drive me crazy...shit...this is worst den the rest....haiz...hopefully i can survive till 10.30pm(yes, I'm working till 10.30pm on a sunday)...SHITTtttttttt..............the songs are getting from bad to worst la...& its like another 1 hour & 46 mins...ah..............................shit here goes another one again........kill me pls*cry*...

2006-09-24T17:40:00.000+08:00

okie..juz look @ e no. of entry in 1 day u can tell how bored I am & how much work I'm given...I hardly or i shld say this is e 1st time tt i blog twice in 1 day wor...win liao lo...haiz...freaking bored..argh............can someone pls save me from this boredom...I need some entertainment manz...but act I shld hv count myself lucky...cos at least I hv a com in front of me to entertain me & at least I still can sign in to MSN to chat with my frenz...but at this point in time there's no one whom i can chat with!!& i think I'll die of boredom sooner or later...I feel like going for a jog or something at e very least I'm moving ard instead of sitting ard here doin nth at all..I mean AT ALL!!!argh...save me from this agony manz!!!I'm stuck in this boring office on a sun when i can spend time with my family & eat my mum's cooking la!!!ARGH!!!*CRY*....haiz...boring boring boring boring.............................................................................I think I'm going to blog again at nite.....stay tune for more boredom from fishy manz...

2006-09-24T14:03:00.000+08:00

*yawn*slpy..okie I'm always sleepy la..but tdy I'm damn tire manz..althou I took MC on fri cos of my damn back...thur it was aching quite badly...n I could feel e numbness no longer at e last toe of my left foot but practically all of them..so tot mayb shld go see doc la...wat e doc say i shall not mention here...another reason oso i dun feel like working cos i dun like to sit in office & do nth...plus my stupid back is giving me a lot of problem recently esp when i sit too long...argh...waste $$$ go see doc again...argh...but got 1 day of MC la..haha...

So went down to chalet earlier lo...*MC still can go chalet not bad huh, but like i care*..went to chalet with S4*shld b S3 la, sort of 1*...it was fun esp after u got stuck in office for 4 weeks sitting down doing admin work...& everyday is either work or home..so it kind of refreshes me lo...& plus so long nv spend time with frenz le...& miz them la...so it was fun & enjoyable thou on sat which is yest I got leave for a while to attend my Bro 21st birthday @ Furama River Front Hotel...was eating @ The Square restaurant...the food was fantastic esp the dessert*yummy* but for the service wise there nid to be improvement la...I think cos it was a sat & it was busy so that mean there shld b more service staff ard to attend to customer...okie shall stop here abt that...overall e food was yummy thou & HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY BRO!!! its act tdy...I got him a Nike Soccer T-shirt...Hope he likes it...Bro say might wan to bring me to Genting but might not be able to go liao...cos I got something on on tt week...

Okie mayb a little background abt me..I haben been staying with my bro ever since dunno when, when I was still a baby I guess so a lot of people thinks that me bro & I were not close but the fact that he is still my bro thou I dun really noe or understand him but we still care for each other a lot...mayb when we were young we use to quarrel a lot but i think as we grow older we started to care lo...& every year w/o fail he'll rmb my birthday & get soemthing for me..watever he can afford...but haha..i always forgot la...bad rite...tt's y this year I wanted to get something good for him lo...hee..i noe T-shirt very normal but to me its the heart the counts...he will also share with me watever things he got...so there's nth much I can complain abt this bro althou at time he seems a complete stranger to me...but yet u can feel that thing tt connects us at times..hahaha..dun understand rite...nvm...okie back...

so yea..in e morning went to wild wild wet...had so much fun manz..like so long nv go under e sun..so shiok..tried all the stuff..not very thrilling la...haha...but nevertheless I did hv fun with S4...hahaha...so at nite we were busy taking photos & whacking each other...it was like back to the good old times...wooohooo...fun manz...den we watched "hot chicks"...not bad la...quite funny...oh yea & "Harold & Kumar"..stupid movie but it was realistic la...abt the society..haha...it was abt this 2 stupid guy who was craving for "White Castle Burger" & on e way met with all the "wild adventure stuff la"...Overall I had a lot of fun...waiting for X'mas or New Year so we can either again get a chalet*can we hv something new* or it either book a hotel & chill out lo...hee...frankly speaking the feeling was kind of weird initially when I met with my S4 on fri...cos e feeling was quite diff..mayb cos i haben been out with them for quite some time la..but After tt like wat i say it was back to good old times la..hee.hope S4 enjoy themselves as well...okie now i shall continue to rot in office till 10.30pm...ke lian rite...haiz...but luckily i got Pizza for lunch so not so bad..juz tt feeling a bit lazy & tire la...okie back to rotting..wish me all e best manz...

2006-09-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

okie...finally I've found someone to revamp my blog for me...hahaha..all thanx to Jean..Lala's sis...hee...BIG BIG THANK YOU!!!1st day of the new blog skin...not wat I've imagine it to be but its nice & I like it very much...cos its aqua...hahaaha...k...i noe its lame...pardon me...hmmm...kind of feeling tire now...wan to slp but hv not done a lot of things & this week will b a damn hectic week for me..& for e passs few days it was quite busy especially tdy...it hell busy manz...haiz..so many admin work to do...but hv learn something everyday thou...althou it was quite boring at times...learnt that behind every so call big project there will be a lot of admin job to do & alot of effort needs to be put in by a lot of people....yup yup...tml's my off day but will be working @ Tasting Notes the whole day...*yawn*act dun feel like working but no choice...no work no income means no $$$ to pay bills means no handphone no internet & no bus concession...means.................................................watever la...e conclusion is gotta work la...well after work tdy went to my Youth Mentor's place to do bible study..as usual always fruitful & I guess the Bible no longer seems far away like b4...hahahaha....

So after tml...friday will be on afternoon shift & straight down to chalet after work...Sat morning go Wild Wild Wet after tt fo Furama Hotel(dunno if I spell correctly) to celcbrate my bro 21st Birthday with Family den back to chalet...& sun morning to church & straight after that I got work again(how nice..) & Mon morning afternoon shift till fri....Shit I'm so dead la...Next weekend I still got my Church Youth Leader & Mentor Retreat la..so its heading down after work again..win liao lo...nice schedule I hv manz...sianz...argh..I''ll be shag out by next week....all e best to me manz...pls kill me....haiz...till den dun think I'll be blogging this 2 weeks liao...seems like I'll be too tire to do so...so take good care of urself my fren...tata*CRY*...hahaha...who else can I blame but myself....

2006-09-16T16:37:00.000+08:00

Here I am back in office on a Saturday afternoon...how boring...saturday are mend to be out with friends and enjoying myself...haiz...& its rainin now...dampen my mood even further..but oh well...I'm glad I'm not alone..I'm with my colleague...my new found friends or should i call them my senior??not sure but at least I get to chit-chat with them..haha..& hear abt those gossip...not very nice...but oh well I juz keep my mouth shut...but as they are gossipping...I started thinking...cant people be more open & selfless & start thinking abt others??cos if tt's the case den there will be less conflict, less quarrel and it will be so much more peaceful..but the fact that it is difficult cos as long as there are people, there are conflict cos people have different thinking and opinion...well that's life in today's modern society..cos everybody thinks that he or she is always right...and people are more demanding & selfish i guess...cos on matter how good u try to do they will never be happy...I juz read something...if u respect, noe how to let go of somethings at the right time, put others first b4 urself ,maybe things would turn out well for everyone...I guess everyone muz give & take..its not juz abt taking but rmb to gif as well...oh...guess enuf of my philosophy...hahaaha..nice day everyone...till den bye bye...& take care....

2006-09-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

oh well..now sitting in office & I'm feeling damn tire now la...I cant wait to go home..this few weeks my off day were oso packed with work...which is my part time..so I'm freaking tire now...I need slp & i wan to go exerxise..I wan somebody to massage for me cos i hv a bad sore shoulder & its killing me la...I'm trying to keep myself awake now but its really hard & my eyes r closing...argh...I WAN TO GO HOME!!but still I half an hour more to go...argh...okie..so this week was pretty busy cos I got lots of data entry & admin work to do...which is good cos at least i dun hv to rot in the office waiting for time to pass till i go home...& so yest I was working @ tasting nots from 1pm to 2.30am...cool rite...hahaa...13 and half hours straight...but now here I am feeling so freaking damn tire cos I slp @ 3 plus yest thou I working in the afternooon shift day..Think cos its the late nite slp & working 13++ hours straight...straining my body...haben really had a good rest for the pass 2 weeks..yea...now I';m feeling the side effect now...argh..I want to slp now la..I'm trying a read my book now..but cant seems to concentrate...argh...okie..think tt's tt for now...till den...stay happy & hope all of u enjoy ur IPP...

2006-09-11T08:22:00.000+08:00

3rd week into IPP...& I tot I've learnt quite a lot...abt human relationship & abt people..I've seen abt office politics...heard abt e dark side of the society that I've never or shld i say seldom hv heard abt b4 & of cos I've a brief picture of how the few government bodies worked together to serve e people....cool rite...haha...yea...last week was ermmm...how shld put it..well...mon to wed..boring as usual cos not much things to do...but...thurday was tire...haha...its my off day BUT...I still hv to work..i mean part time @ tasting notes...work till like 1am...den went home was dead tire & fri I'm on morning shift & 1 thing good I onli nid to stay till 3pm & I can leave(well I was late cos I overslp...damn tir..)...was having a roadshow @ bukit panjang plaza ws quite alrite...juz sitting down dere and promoting the stuff...but learnt quite a bit...den went back to office to key in all e data(actually can go back la)..oh well..since I'm working after that @ wine hut...so mind as well stay in office to finish dose work 1st...den off to work after that....hectic manz...but it was still manageable cos that nite was not so busy...but still I work till like 2.30am & by e time I reach home its abt 3+++am....by e time I slp 4+++am...WAH!!!hahaha...

SATURDAY!!!DAY OUT WITH MY KAKIS!!!WEEEEEeeee....hee...was like finally met them...miss them la...tok a lot...& found out abt each other's IPP..chit chatted..had dina & off for soe wine...its was fulfilling and I guess meaningful..so long nv see them la..oh yea..went to the Fitness Asia @ expo in the afternoon with lala & Ernest...nth much...nth spectacular or amusing....so went to the book fair & bought some books & a shirt after that...& yes...THE FOOD FAIR!!!WAHAHAHhahaha....so much food la...but onli bought a pie & my fav snow ice*yummy*heee....so went to wine connection for wine & head to wine hut to see boss & Frank...stayed there with lala till 1plus almost 2....reach home 2 plus*thank to Boss for sending us...free ride...hahaha*but again slp @ 4 plus...

Next morning went to church @ 10 plus(didnt go for service again..so sad la...always got defeated by the Z monster....)but I love going to church cos that's my spiritual family where I can share a lot of stuff with them & they too share with me...that's a family of God...the house of God...heee....After that went to work again for e roadshow..good thing I can reach @ 3pm...& leave @ 9pm...onli 6 hours...It was fun thou..cos in e afternoon its all the "young ppl"...hahaha...sp we chit chatted & we work hard together & we broke e record on sat...hahaa...got 91 sign up..sat was onli 88....weeeee....cool rite....& was chit chatting with my in charge of IPP...tok a lot & learnt a lot...guess I respect her quite a lot cos of the attitude & character....she's a nice person..she's a sport person so I guess I can click beta with her...I've tot a lot after tat...

In Life you might not be able to please everyone*aiya Sinaporean forever complaining la..however good service u gif*so watever people do or say...you'll juz hv to ignore it..u cant control wat other wan to say abt you so juz ignore & keep a positive attitude lo...juz do ur best & finish the job..watever u can do to help juz do it...& after which watever people wan to say & however people r not happy...juz hv to turn a deaf ear & ignore...& be happy...if not life would be so miserable la...hahaha...but I muz say my up most respect to those in People's Association*Salute*....they hv to build relationship with so many many people cos they work through people, they work with people, they work for people....they hv to deal a lot with people's business...so everyday its abt serving people...& sometimes u dun even get respect or appreciated...cos wat u get at the end of the day is complain...stupid people coplaining abt stupid things....hahaha....so people appreciate wat they've done for you....well...till den..stay cool & happy....

Another day....

2006-09-02T00:13:00.000+08:00

well...it's yet another day...kind of dread it...cos I'm missing my bunch of friends a lot now...I MISS SCH!!!I MISS EVERYONE!!!haiz...but well its juz 11 weeks and now 10 more weeks to go onli..but it seems to me that time is passing by so so so slowly la...argh..well..after 1 week of IPP I can to see the real side of people a little of office politics there thou people are friendly or seems friendly but it seems not as well...they seems friendly towards each other but they gossip abt you behind ur back...that's the problem with working with people or women generally I guess...but yet again...I found that for the community centre they do have a lot of things to do...esp for the people (tt's they r called the people's association...)...they nid to deal with people..and tok to people...cos then that u will be able to do something for them...if not it is like quite impossible to do anything..& a lot of things that happen ard the neighbourhood r actually done by them..not jux events for the aunties and uncles but for the youth as well...n to think that they have nth else to do is totally wrong...they actually nid to do a lot of things for the residents living in that area...n worst till their work r not appreciated by them & wat do they get in return...stupid complains...well tt's wat I see so far la...so kind of wan to salute to them...but yet...haiz dunno la...hahaha...juz hope to see my fren soon...miss u guys manz....well beta go rest le...still nid to report @ 7am tml...haiz...till den...take care my frenz...bye...

2006-08-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

well...now I'm sitting at the counter waiting for the 1st customer to come..cos i'll nid to learn to use the system that use to record all the paymeny and stuff like that...hmm...hopefully I'll pick it up fast enuf...now nid to practice and practice..practice makes perfect but nobody's perfect so y practice...hahaha..nah...still gotta try my best to master it...less than 11 weeks now...adapting well...juz that cos i'm new...so nth much for me to do..they dunno wat to pass to me oso..so well...i guess still hv to wait ofr a few more weeks b4 i can get to do "the real stuff"..hahaah...wish me all e best manz...kind of miss my kakis now...haben seen them for 3 days le...guess I'm not use to working life yet...takes time...tml's my off day but can't go out with fren cos they r not free to do so...so sad...goin to sch to do up my poster..gotta hand it up on mon...hope I'll do a gd job...i nid inspiration manz...go toilet...hahaha...sometimes i get my inspiration there..dunno..i think in the toilet a lot...knocking off soon...till den...bye...

1st day of IPP

2006-08-29T11:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday was 1st day of my internship...well...quite alrite...juz tt I'm bored cos there wasn't much things for me to do...was kind of scare at 1st but was glad that the people there where I m posted to was quite alrite...guess it will be a busy busy 11 weeks...cos already I'm assigned with quite a number of job to do...hope I'll handle it well...COME ON!!BUCK UP!!I'M SURE YOU CAN DO IT!!ALL E WAY!!IT'S JUZ 11 WEEKS!!!ok...feel beta...cos kind of miss sch now & I miss my bunch of fren...my kakis in sch...*sob*can't wait to meet them & chill out....went to chill out on sun at bukit timah plaza with clara, jaslin & lor...found this cafe*how come i didnt realise thou I've been staying here for so long*....was quite alrite..i mean the ambience & all juz that the service...quite sucky la...shall not mention...but i enjoy it still cos of the fren I'm with...hope they r all enjoying themselves at their attachment place....well..guess I should go prepare to go work...hopefully it will be enjoyable tdy.....miss you gals manz...when can we meet again to chill???:'(

exAm's oVer!!!weeeee.....

2006-08-24T03:18:00.000+08:00

Weeeeee........finally comes my long awaited freedom...now i can do anything and go anywhere freely w/o any worries...wahahahha....exam's finally over....BUT...this means that I'm going to IPP soon(for those dunno its my scg attachment...)& I mean real soon which is next mon...hopefully I'll get attached to OBS..according to my LO(Liaison officier) there's onli 1 who got attached to OBS out of the so many...hopefully its me...thou I might be doing admin work but I still learn something at the end of the day...n at least its OBS...& I shall be content wherever I go and watever job assign...my motto...hahaha...I'm learning anw....weeee....off to watch VCD!!!at this timing..hahaha...BUT...EXAM"S OVER!!!!!enjoying my freedom b4 IPP...

Another touching story...."Family"....

2006-08-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe).

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Let's go and fetch Mother."

Hubby is tall and big-sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment and put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuse to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example: I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, Mother's facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest Mother makes.

From time to time, Mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: She would keep all kinds of plastic bags and accumulate them so that she can sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on the dish-washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, Mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, Mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, Mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, Mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as the feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by Mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomitted everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw Mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; Mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed Mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since Mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have no appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and Mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lifted me up and spinned me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, Mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at Mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby didn't say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from the other people. That day, after Mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must have hated me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarrelled, if...

In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into Mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched his hand out and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood there any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following Mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying Mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

"LD, you are pregnant?"

Since Mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but it's ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeat. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in Mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till our baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear him typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, it's like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my forehead, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warm body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said it was about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But Daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to Daddy's suggestions...

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, Daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on when to give and what to give are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and placed him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air.

I pressed the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

The End...

IPP...

2006-08-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

Oh well....so i'm attached to People's Association for 11 weeks...from next week onwards but I'm still not sure as to which department I'm posted to...& i must say...I'm quite happy with...hopefully I get to attach to OBS*praying hard*...I'll be happier...oh well...wherever I go I'll learn new stuff...AND I MUZ SAY NSA PAPER SUX!!!argh...i'm so goin to take sub paper...as long as I pass I'm happy...sianz...shall see what I get for the result.....till den off to mugging...mugging mugging mugging.......argh..officially pronounced brain dead...................waiting for exam to end.............

IMPERFECT

2006-08-19T17:23:00.000+08:00

Another story that I like to share about imperfection cos no one is perfect.....

They have been married for 2 years.

He loves literature, & often posts his work on the net, but nobody ever reads them. He is also into photography, & he handles their wedding photos. He loves her very much. Likewise with her.

She has a quick temper, & always bullies him.

He is a gentleman, & always gives in to her.

Today, she's being "willful" again.....

Her: "Why can't u be the photographer for my friend's wedding? She promised she'd pay."
Him: "I don't have time that day."
Her: "Humph!"
Him: "Huh?"
Her: "Don't have time? Write less of those novels, & u will have all & get the time u need."
Him: "I... someone will definitely recognize my work some day."
Her: "Humph! I don't care; u'll have to do it for her! "
Him: "No."
Her: "Just this once?"
Him: "No."

Negotiation's broken.
So, she gave the final warning: "Give me a Yes within three days, or else..."

First day ********
She "withheld" the kitchen, bathroom, computer, refrigerator, television, hi-fi... Except the double bed, to show her "benevolence". Of course, she has to sleep on it too. He didn't mind, as he still has some cash in his pockets.

Second day **********
She conducted a raid & removed everything from his pockets & warned, "Seek any external help, & u bear the consequences." He's nervous now.

Night ******
On the bed. He begs for mercy, hoping that she'll end this state. She doesn't give a damn. No way am I giving in, whatever he says. Until he agrees.

Third day - Night ***************On the Bed.
He's lying on the bed, looking to 1 side. She's lying on the bed, looking to the other side.

Him: "We need to talk."
Her: "Unless it's about the wedding, forget it."
Him: "It's something very important."
She remains silent.
Him: "Let's get a divorce."
She did not believe her ears.
Him: "I got to know a girl."

She's totally angry, & wanted to hit him. But she held it down, wanting to let him finish. But her eyes already felt wet. He took a photo out from his chest. Probably from his undershirt pocket, that's the only place she didn't go through yesterday. How careless.

Him: "She's a nice girl."
Her tears fell.
Him: "She has a good personality too."
She's heartbroken, because he puts a photo of some other girl "close to his heart".
Him: "She says that she'll support me fully in my pursue for literature after we got married."
She's very jealous, because she said the same thing in the past.
Him: "She loves me truly."
She wishes to sit up & scream at him: "Don't I?"
Him: "So, I think she won't force me to do something that I don't want to do."
She's thinking, but the rage won't subside.
Him: "Want to take a look at the photo I took for her?"
Her: ".....!"

He brings the photo before her eyes.
She's in a total rage, hits his hand away & leaves a burning mark slap on his face.
He sighs.
She cries.
He puts the photo back to his pocket.
She pulls her hand back under the blanket.
He turns off the light, & sleeps.
She turns on the light, & sits up.
He's asleep.
She lost sleep.
She regrets treating him the way she treated him.
She cried again, & thought about a lot of things.
She wants to wake him up.
She wants to have an intimate talk with him.
She doesn't want to push him anymore.
She stares at his chest.
She wants to see how the girl looks.
She slips the photo out.
She wanted to cry, & she wanted to laugh.
It's a nicely taken photo of herself.
A photo he took for her.
She bends down, & kissed him on his cheek.
He smiled.
He was just pretending to be asleep.

"You learn to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

Priceless Anecdote...

2006-08-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

An interesting story I felt......thought of sharing it.....

Some people understand life better And they call some of these people "retarded"...

At the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win.

All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry.

The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back......every one of them.

One girl with Down's Syndrome bent downand kissed him and said,"This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, the cheering went on for several minutes.

People who were there are still telling the story... Why?

Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves.

What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

"Click"

2006-08-17T15:34:00.000+08:00

hmmm...haben been blogging for quite some time...busy busy busy with project project & MORE PROJECTS!!!whaoO...i wonder how i survive the past few weeks manz..but well I've survived it...wahahahaha...hving my study/exam break this week so was like slcaking for the pass few days*cant believe i'm like so calm when my exam's next week* well guess i'm feeling numb tt's all i can say...after 4 sem of exam u kind of juz dread it...and cant wait for it to come to an end...oh well...went to watch the movie "click with la yesterday at Jurong Point....was a good movie...was meant to be a comedy but there was some part which was pretty sad and just made me wanna cry out loud...*sad* but i must say its a good movie talking about LIFE!!!wat aa big word..but i must agree with the director...how many time in our life did we just want to "fast foreward" or skip some part of our life that we dread it go straight to the result??and how many times did we say "nah, dun worry we still hv next time" to the people who are important in our life? & how many of us actually really treasure "the process of life"?well...A lot i guess...many a times we just buried ourselves in our load of work and studies...we are occupied by some other stuff rather than people who are so important to us in our life...we always put work in front of people than we neglect them...everyday its just work, work, and work...its like spending our life in vain because of work...that so many a times we miss out the process of life with the people around us...we miss out the time spend together with the someone, somebody....so many a times we didnt realise that when put our priority in work that at the end of the day wat did we get?we get illness, lots of money but no love ones around us, no friends, so kinship...and we die...we cant even bring the money away...and we've miss out the most important time that we can spend with those important people in our life...so words of advice...treasure the people, the time and the "process" that u spend cos the end result its not the most important but its the process....

a kId at home whO is Older den I m....

2006-08-04T00:43:00.000+08:00

well...tdy was as usual..gone to sch in the morning and its project all the way none stop...peak period for projects....so its loads & loads of project and nth else....driving me nuts but guess i'll juz do watever i can and give my best....high stress period but dunno why I still hv to deal with a small kid at home who is much older den i am or shld i say an adult with a child's mentality....haiz...i juz feel numb after her nuisance...it seems that her nuisance doesnt seems to hv any impact on me tdy...thou mayb i'm frustrated and angry initially but come to think about it...y shld i??no point when i hv been putting up with all these up since day 1...n now after so damn freaking long...y shld i be angry with a kid??noe tt she's been like tt ever since dunno when(maybe she's hving menopause??)...oh well...just treat it as a 3 year old throwing tantrum...juz let her be....she juz thinks that the world revolve ard her...she's juz plain irritating at times tt's all..well...guess i'll not make myself angry...juz numb myself i guess....cant say she's totally at fault...i'm too..but oh well...its always been like tt...God pls help me to tolerate her....off to project!!!

haben been blogging....

2006-08-02T13:43:00.000+08:00

hmmm...haben been blogging for so damn freaking long manz....hahaha...too busy with projects...so many projects but yet so little time...how i wish that time could juz stop....oh well...guess projects are all about deadlines...haiz...guess i'm use to it liao...since i have been doing that for the past eh...2 and a half years or 2 years and 1 month to be exact...last year in poly liao and i'll be graduating soon...haiz...seems so short...it seems to me that it was just yesterday that i juz enter the 1st day of my poly life and now i'm a year 3 poly student and will be go out to work soon...guess i'll miss my sch life a lot a lot....and it will be the best part of my memory....Lord let my last few month of poly life be as enjoyable as possible pls....how i wish...............till den stay tune....haha....

wOrlD cUp....

2006-07-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

haiz...like anticipating for the final..initially i was hopin to see argentina n brazil but since argentina is out so nvso sad manz..BRAZIL IS OUT!!!out of world cup...argh...so sad manz...i was m whosoever play against Brazil..but to my horror....they got kicked out!!!argentina by France...argh#@$#&(^#*&@#$%.....so sad la....haiz...its okie...Brazil all the way manz!!!

but well i just dun understand y ppl can be so..ermmm....can harden their heart so fast...one moment they can cheer their lungs out for them but the next moment...they jeer at you like nobody's business...that's wat happen to BraZIl...when they won...ALL their supporters cheer for them show all their support and the list goes on...but once they've lost...ppl start to jeer at them...they withdrew their kind of support for them...scolding them and passing harsh comment...wat is this manz!!!they are like anyone of us...they are human being as well...there are time when they fail...they still need support and encouragement...not jeering...not harsh comment...but i guess i admire the coach(dun really noe his name)...he set a gd example and he did not blame his team but he blame himself*salute*...he hold himself responsible for watever the team gets...and ppl..stop jeering..try putting urself in their shoes...if u cant do it dun comment so much...dun tok so much crap....juz shut ur bloody mouth...winning its not the most impt(thou many view it as very impt!!)..but like wat my lecturer say Mr C. Kunalan...winning is secondary...but wat is impt is wat the sportmen learnt after each game...its abt their development...and one more thing that he say..the sport is not for the coach but for the athelete, and if the coach cause the athelete to stop playing the sport, he/she ought to go to JAIL!!!blah...but to me..tt's very very true and that phrase that he say cause me to think a lot...a coach shld not emphasize too much on winning it is the athelete's character's development that is impt...it is the athelete that the coach shld care abt not winning the game...but nowadays many coach neglected that(tt's wat i personally felt)....cos sport to me is a very good tool for the development of youth in every aspect...and sport is alive...it is something that with proper management help ppl to build character, confidence and also help ppl to endure the tough times in life....many good aspect but w/o proper management it will just be like any other things like going to sch and doing proj which serve no purpose in developing a person and does not help in any way or even can cause adverse effect...well...till den take care ppl & SPORT ROX!!!

I WAN GO SCUBA DIVING!!!

Friends...

2006-07-04T02:40:00.000+08:00

hmmm...so long ago since i blog...didnt feel like bloggin initially..cos was kind of tire plus it so late n i got morning lesson tml at 8 which mean i hv to wake up at 6.30..but well..too use to sleeping late...trying to change but its hard....anw... feeling kind of emotional after reading other's blog...and goin out with one of my close fren tdy(or shld i say yest)..hahaha...nv felt like this for quite some time...felt that in life fren is a very impt part that u cant miss out and cant live w/o cos w/o it...life would juz be a plain white piece of paper or a ook w/o any content..meaningless..and to me frenz(or friendship)r priceless..something that no matter how much $$$ u hv u wun be able to buy...i mean sincere n true ones....and i really treasure each n every single one of them...cos w/o dose bunch of crazy ppl i would not be me...and life would not be so colourful w/o them..so treasure them...and to my frenz...luv ya guys so much....u guys make my life complete...till den stay cheerful my dear frenz...off to bed(got a strong feeling that i'll be late tml...hee..hopefully not..)...take care my frenz...

2006-06-24T14:13:00.000+08:00

hmmm...dunno wat title shld i put...well...watever...decided to blog this...well my fren brought me to this company of her's(shall not name it..)anw..it seems to me like some MLM company but not very sure...the way they use to get ppl into their company is basically to let them feel tat life is meaningless and in order to fulfill their dream and get wat they "desire", it is to so call get into their company and go for the lesson...which I think to by using the weakest link of human being esp in the teens like us who at this point in time are going to another phrase of our life and are at a lost in our life and dunno wat to do and searching for that goal in life and trying to earn as much to get wat they want....yea..so i guess they are using that way...which doesnt interest me...not that i'm not at tt point of my life but I guess I have that something in my life that makes me think that it to just to satisfy that earthly desire that human being always have...hmmm...and i dun think i dun need to use the philosophy of human being to succeed cos human being is not perfect bu God is perfect and I shall rely on his philosophy of God...which is perfect and I shall rely on his strength...haiz...1 thing I always agree wat my fren ren shi fan jian de..mayb u dun but i totally agree with it..think abt it...isnt it true...u r always unhappy with watever amount u hv...u always want more...well i guess human wants are always unlimited...and human beings are always selfish cos watever things u do r always for urself and i mean WATEVER things...well till den signing off...guess I'll juz need to be contend with watever things I have and love God and I'll be joyful not happy...cos happy is not the word but joy!!

till den take care....

Complicated huMAn BeiNg...

2006-06-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

Am I having PMS??I'm not sure..maybe..I guess...Think my da yi ma coming to visit me again...well...feeling frustrated...frustrated of all e stuggle...got frustrated with Human Being(thou I'm one too..), juz find human being so freaking complicating and irritating at times...example: some people dun like being criticise but they still like to be sarcastic towards other just to make themselves happy and "shuang"...well I guess ppl just dun do wat they preach at times...they dun like but they still do it towards other....WAT'S THEIR PROBLEM!!!if u noe u dun like den dun do it la...ARGh!!!not tt I'm perfect and I dun do it..but I'm trying not to do it...and frankly speaking I'm starting to feel that sarcasm is damn freaking irritating at times especially when u r tire and get irritated easily...guess tt is my limit...God can u pls help me with this...cos i really dunno how to deal with it..getting freaking irritated...going to blow soon...it just doesnt help in boasting confidence or self-esteem but actually bring it down...and makes one feel so lowly of themselves...mayb its just me who cant take but I guess there are many out there who cant as well...I'm feeling very very tire..on e verge of breaking down...argh...dun like that feeling...God pls help me!!!I need a break from everything....:'(...how I wish to be near to God.............................................

Tire & BusY weEk...

2006-06-22T11:54:00.000+08:00

School holiday is like no school holiday at all...loads of project project & PROJECT!!!argh...but have lots of fun thou with fren during work...haha...but how i wish holiday can be longer..didnt really rest & slp well so kind of feeling tire and stuff...*yawn*it seems like I'm always tire and slpy and always yawning..haha...but I guess life like this as u grow older u hv more things to do..more responsibilities, more stress and stuff...and I guess tt's part of growing up(sound like I'm so old when I'm onli 19..)well, guess I'll end here...till den PROJECTS AGAIN!!!AHHhhhhhhhhhhh....................

HELP!!

2006-06-19T12:49:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!I juz need someone to help me design my blog manz....tot it was easy but the fact: IT IS NOT!!!argh:@...with all those stupid HTML stuff which i have given it back to my lecurer...HELP!!I guess I'll hv to "employ" someone to help me manz...*yawn*well...had a great time yesterday with my bunch of kakis...it was enjoyable manz..haben had such a great time for so damn freaking long la...haiz...the good old time that we used to have...its okie...its still a long way to go...well till den..tata...off to sch for PROJECT!!!ARGH!!!project project project..................................................................................

2006-06-17T14:23:00.000+08:00

*yawn*...tire of working sia..so much things to do...but so little time...or maybe there's some problem with my time management..dunno...so many projects...wat sch holiday sia...haiz..its okie...I believe he'll give me strength...

Prayer: God pls gif me strength....Amen
" I can do everything through him who gives me strength "
Philippians 4:13

An anImAL stoRy..."How could you?"...

2006-06-17T03:57:00.000+08:00

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. Youcalled me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple ofmurdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"-- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreakingtook a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together.

I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to yourconfidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be anymore perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides,stopsfor ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" yousaid), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and moretime searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted youthrough heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about baddecisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell inlove.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into ourhome, tried to show her? affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them,too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of mytime banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to lovethem, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigatedmy ears, and gave me kisses on my nose.loved everything about them and theirtouch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen totheir worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me.These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I hadgone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing amiddle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No,Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love andresponsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you.You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find meanother good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us,of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.At first,whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you thatyou had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner andwaited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, andI padded along the aisle after her to a separate room.

A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come,but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out ofdays. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which shebears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt thesting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily,looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have tofend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of mytail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed atyou, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes asyou read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters.

Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a non-commercial > purpose, aslong as it is properly attributed with the copyright notice.

Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animalshelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that > the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animalsdeserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate homefor your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society oranimal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, > and encourage all spay& neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.

Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad,but itcould save maybe, even one unwanted pet.

Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY, If you give them LOVE

2006-06-15T10:19:00.000+08:00

halo...testing 1, 2, 3....weeee.....*yawn*...